Yesterday and today I was an emotional bag. I woke up so fearful, angry etc, then I heard the Lord say, "Lebo, pray right now.'  Once I had communicated with my FATHER, the Lord told me that from now on things are going to be very different and difficult. Different because everything that I want to do concerning my fiance and my life in general, has to go through Jesus. Difficult because I will no longer be asserting my 2cent control over anything, I have to actively hand over every situation to God.

I woke up to a call from my fiance saying that he has been trying to text me but nothing is going through, I love you. Oh man!! what a way to wake up... Anyway, the plan was for me to go shopping for new clothes. I decided to go to a mall that was bigger and close to his work. My intention was not to see him but just to shop, then I got the idea to get him lunch with a note saying 'I love you more' and leave it at reception. I was so excited to get going on my idea. I prayed about it and the Lord gave me the go ahead.

I did what I had to do then I went to his office and he was not picking up his cell. The reception lady would not let me leave his lunch there and leave. I started getting very ill from all that anxiety, low blood pressure. What a mess... Anyway I had to leave because I was getting worse, so I just sent him a text telling him that I came by to give him food. I thought he would be angry because I know that he is busy and there I go and try to get his attention. Instead God worked on his hard and he was so thankful for the gesture and sorry that he didn't pick up, he was so busy. That was really unexpected wow. I cant lie, I was hurt by but I didn't talk to him about it. He spoke to me while at gym...some he NEVER does! I was SO excited. I couldn't stop thanking God for the changes.

Then I go onto twitter and find myself checking his 'past flings' tweets and AH, they are in contact again and he is trying to mend things... That was a cold stab in my heart. I did not discuss it with him. needless to say I could not sleep at all.

Today the Lord spoke to me through my father, who just encouraged me and said everything I go through i need to leave it in Gods hands and just trust that God will handle it. I have not told my family about the cheating. I trusting that God will change us both and heal our broken hearts. pressing forward.

Today, the Lord has filled me with strength and peace from the inside out. The devil keeps trying to come into my ear reminding me of the past but for the first time I think I've allowed Jesus to take over. Everytime I think of what my fiance has done and is doing the Lord places it in my heart to pray for him, myself and her.

the song 'You Hold My World' by Israel Houghton is playing

Take my heart
Lord will you take my heart
As I surrender to Your will
I confess You are my righteousness
And until You move me I'll be still
And know that You are God.

Chorus:
You hold my world in Your hands
You hold my world in Your hands and
I am amazed at Your love
I am amazed that You love me
You hold my world in Your hands
You hold my world in Your hands and
I'm not afraid my world is safe
In Your Hands Oh
In Your hands

Verse 2:
Take my life
Lord will You take my life
You are the reason that I live
I believe You have forgiven me
And by Your grace I will forgive
And know that You are God
And know that You are God

Chorus:

(Same as above)

Vamp:

You won't let go of me
You won't let go of me
You won't let go of me
You
Won't let go Never let go
You will take care of me
You will take care of me
You will take care of
Me
You will take care Always take care
You hold my world in Your hands
You hold my world
And you won't let go

I take no credit

God really will not ever let go of me. Thank you Jesus for that.

Time to write about the dare

I told him that I love the fact that he is such a hard worker and that its one of his best qualities. I further told him that God will reward him for the trouble that he is going through.

The amount of peace that is in my heart. Thank you Jesus