I'm feeling very selfish as I can't seem to think of anything that I would like to buy for my husband today. He always buys anything he wants for himself, so I feel as if anything that I get for him will be trivial.
It's a really difficult day for me today, because he has hurt my feelings with his actions and I'm struggling to follow thru with this dare. I know I need to pray about it, but that comes with difficulties, too. It shouldn't...praying has always been easy for me. Our marriage is in shambles and no matter what I do to try to create a better partnership between the two of us, he is very closed off. I feel as if he has given up and it makes me want to give up, as well. It's hard to be in a relationship when you feel it's one sided. Now I know how he's felt for all of these years. This leads me back to my feelings of selfishness. I haven't been the submissive wife that I should be and I know that is very selfish. I want to be the wife he deserves, but I'm afraid it's too late.
Wow...reading back over this, I realize what God has felt lately. It's been a one-sided relationship. I feel horrible for allowing this to happen. I pray that God will lead me thru this journey and allow me to be open minded and focus on my walk with Christ and bring Him back into my marriage. I think that is a big problem with it right now...my husband and I have both strayed away from God and we need to allow Him back into our lives and guide our relationship.