I'm feeling very selfish as I can't seem to think of anything that I would like to buy for my husband today.  He always buys anything he wants for himself, so I feel as if anything that I get for him will be trivial. 

It's a really difficult day for me today, because he has hurt my feelings with his actions and I'm struggling to follow thru with this dare.  I know I need to pray about it, but that comes with difficulties, too.  It shouldn't...praying has always been easy for me.  Our marriage is in shambles and no matter what I do to try to create a better partnership between the two of us, he is very closed off.  I feel as if he has given up and it makes me want to give up, as well.  It's hard to be in a relationship when you feel it's one sided.  Now I know how he's felt for all of these years.  This leads me back to my feelings of selfishness.  I haven't been the submissive wife that I should be and I know that is very selfish.  I want to be the wife he deserves, but I'm afraid it's too late.

Wow...reading back over this, I realize what God has felt lately.  It's been a one-sided relationship.  I feel horrible for allowing this to happen.  I pray that God will lead me thru this journey and allow me to be open minded and focus on my walk with Christ and bring Him back into my marriage.  I think that is a big problem with it right now...my husband and I have both strayed away from God and we need to allow Him back into our lives and guide our relationship.