Continue the journey. God will comfort you. And work on him.
Thanks for your response Sean. My husband came back late last night. I was already asleep and he left very early this morning. I was unable to do any of my dares. I believe that this is going to take longer than I anticipated. I have come up with other things that I can do. One of my dares involves his sister and extending kindness towards her. One of the problems that we have experienced during our marriage is problems with inlaws. He is from a very large family (15 kids) and his sister is a very domineering person. We didnt have the greatest relationship and many feelings were hurt. I have become civil towards his sister over the past couple of years and she will occassionally call me. His sister is actually having marital problems as well. My husband said to me last week not to bother communicatng with his sister and that any kind of relationship that I have with her is "too late" and not worth it. I am not listening to him. I am going to do my dare. I will let you know what happens.
It is going to take a lifetime. Remember this is only a guide to get you going. The journey is a lifetime.
Focus on the Lord. He will guide your dares.
Thanks for answering Sean. I understand what you are telling me. My question to you is how long did it take before your wife began to respond positively? My husband behaves like a first class smarty pants and can be very cocky at times. He believes that he is justified for what he is doing. This is my second time around with the Love dare and day 4 is approaching. When I started teh dare the first time. He thanked me for the things that I did. he then started to question me. And as of late he said that what I am doing will not work. Our marriage will never work. It kills me when I hear him speak like that. I pray about my situation.I pray for my spouse-his health,his walk,his temptations,health,et. I ask God to save him... to shape and mould us into the people that he expects us to be. I get the message from God to continue on and that God has partnered me with him for good reason. His beahviour makes me think other wise at times. During my teen years I caught my father in an affair with another woman and I saw how it destroyed and devasted my mother and siblings. My fahter didnt stop. My mother was a very Godly person and she prayed each and everyday until she passed. My father still didnt stop. I promised myself that I would NEVER ALLOW an affair or anything to destroy my marriage and look what is happening now... Any thoughts?
Well. With my wife I did not complete the dare the first time before we were back together. And I have been asked, why did I do it more than once. Well to be honest, I still do it. And when I am complete, I do it again. I get more out of it each time.
But I have to tell you. And maybe you need to think about this.
In the beginning, when I would pray for her. It was not from a pure heart. I prayed for everything for her, but deep down the prayer was for me. I knew that if she would turn to Christ and serve Him, that she would see what she was doing wrong and that would be it. So, I was not actually praying from a pure heart, it was a selfish one.
When I realized that. I stopped praying for her in that way. I continued to pray for her salvation, and when it came to us, I prayed for His will and the comfort and guidance to accept it. I realized this journey I was on, no matter what happened in my life, Christ would provide my needs. And no matter what, I would be happy.
I knew with all this that I was learning, that the next time I loved it would be with someone that I would experience the most unbelievable love I would ever know. Be it her, or someone else. But whoever, it would have been Gods plan, not mine.
I guess what I am trying to say. You have to trust Him completely. And when you pray, it must be from a pure heart of what you are praying for. Look deep into your prayers. And even though on the face of those prayers what you ask is good, just make sure that there is not a deep down manipulation for selfishness.
When you do things from a pure heart. Leave out any manipulation anything. And Christ will deal with him. And when it is his time, Christ will bring the hammer down. It is then your husband will see that he too, needs Christ in his life. But each day, remember this is a journey with you and Christ. Your husband is a tool that is used.
I revaluated my prayers the first time I did the dare. I looked deep into myself and I know that I am praying from a pure heart. I pray for my husbands salvation as well. I ask for God to save him. One thing though before I even knew about the Love Dare or started any kind of praying for my spouse. I received a vision from God as to what my life would be like without my husband and that I should seek him out for guidance and salvation. That is when I decided to go see my pastor and he told me about the love dare. That was back in April 2010. I didnt have my own copy of the dare. I got it from the library. It took me a while to start it because I was hospitalised and had some surgeries and then some fights took place etc. I finally got a grip of it and started fully in July. I completed my dares for yesterday and today. I got up early to do them. My husband was surprised to see me prepare breakfast and leave it for him on a tray before the sun came up. He asked if I got up early for him? This morning I did the same thing and he came into the kitchen. He saw me and didnt look too happy. He grumbled under neath his breath. He said that he is planning to "get out of here". I didnt say anything to him. He ate the breakfast and left. I was in the bedroom when he left. I called his cell and he picked up. I said, I wanted to say goodbye. He said that he thought that I was asleep. He said well sorry about that. Thanx for the breakfast and the phone cut off. I felt crushed by what he said. I laid down and I got another message from God. Telling me to do specific prayer fast this evening. Pray specifically for this situation. To continue trusting in GOd.
Good to hear.... I just wanted to point it out to make sure.
I am beginning to FREAK RIGHT OUT!!! I did my dare on Saturday and my husband gave me the dirtiest look ever. It kind of scarred me. It was a cross between why are you doing this? and F-off and die!! He left and came back sometime in the evening and never came back home. He was gone for the entire long weekend. He did not call or anything. God spoke to me and told me to continue to pray for my husband and our marriage. I did exactly what he instructed me to do. My mind started to run 1 million miles a minute. I am beginnig to beleive that my husband is telling his lady friend about everything that i been doing for him and she is telling him to not come back home and stay away from me so that i cannot show him any act of kindess. He no longer parks his car or truck in the regular spot. I beleive that he is preparing to totally move out on me. I been praying and praying and asking God to give me strength and wisdom. I cant help myself but I am beginning to panic. I dont know if its because I am having women's monthly problems and my hormones are out of control or maybe my gut feelings can be right. The last time I saw my husband on Saturrday morning we had a long conversation about nothing in particular. it was like we were catching up. I am not sure if God "started to talk to him" and he got scarred and took off!!! At times I think that something bad will happen to him. I am asking God to SAVE HIM ANY COMMENTS/ ENCOURAGEMENT???
First, this is a moment in which you need to be comforted in the Lord. No reason to freak out. No matter what happens you are on a journey with Christ. That means you are on a journey to happiness and love that you never dreamed possible.
Just continue your focus on Christ. Do your dares.
80% of what you worry about never happens, 15% that does is not what you think or as bad, the other 5% are things we must leave with the Lord.
Take a look at the appendix, there is great prayers and other information about prayer. You might need to change your prayer a little.
I know it's hard but rest assure that Christ will comfort you if you switch focus on Him. I'd been there just a few months back. I guess I "freaked out" too - my heart was pumping out of my chest, thoughts of "what if" "could of" "should of", fond memories of our vacation trips, good times of marriage, laughs, etc everything was going through the mind a thousand miles per hour... and I couldn't sleep well for weeks.
Anyway, few months later, after having gone through Love Dare twice, now I understand that it was part of His plan to grow me into the person in Christ He wants me to be. It is through those hard lessons, my wife's rejections (and lots of them) and hitting bottom that I learned to trust Him. It is then I feel His mercy poured out onto me and He would never leave me. So focus on your journey with Him. Couple things that really helped me was to talk to my close Christian friends and also got a lot of support from the forum here. Please look into marriage counseling as well if you haven't already... and do the Dares!
Hi James and Sean,
Thanx for writing me back. My husband has not slept at home since Saturday. He came back while I was at work yesterday to pick up a few things,shower and get fresh clothing. I found out that he went across to the USA border for shopping with his "friend". I found a receipt from JC Penny (we dont have that here) laying on the bed. The house felt so empty. Tears welled in my eyes when one of my Christian friends called me on the phone. She listened and prayed with me. She said, that my husband has been threatening to leave for the longest time. why hasnt he? She feels that there is something else that is holding him back. He could be going through some sort of crisis. In prayer, we asked for his salvation and that God only knows why he is behaving this way. I see a Christian counsellor on a weekly basis. I have figured out how to do the dares without him being at home. I have been doing quite ALOT!!!
James did you reconcile with your wife?
Nice to hear that mrsg99! Great to know that you have a supporting group as well with friends and counselor. You are not alone and excellent job doing the dares even when he's not home. I have to do a lot of my dares with creativity too because we are living apart e.g. for the greeting dare, I took a video of myself on the camera and left it for her.
I have not reconciled with my wife yet and we rarely see each other anymore because she says she wants space. I don't know last time she mentioned space she was having an affair with another guy. That affair was broken off and I think God intervened, but not after I found out all the grusome details. Sometimes I just want it to be over then I remember the Love is patient in Day#1. It is so important. I learned to trust Him at the most critical time through the dares. God runs at His schedule not mine.
In this journey we need to train ourselves to listen. We are already experts in asking. As we listen we will change, in a way that we are more in His image. When He thinks we are ready, it is then we will overcome the challenges that we face. But it will not happen without trusting Him completely.
My spouse returned back home in the middle of the night. I havent been feeling very well and I got up early morning because I felt nauseous. He heard me in the bathroom and wanted to come in. I locked the door. He stood and started asking me what was wrong? Am I sick? Can he drive me to the doctor ? Blah blah blah. I opened the door and as I was washing my face I asked him if he had a nice weekend away from home? He paused and told me that he drove one of his in-laws to the US (the inlaw is an overseas worker). He just kept looking at me and then walked away. I saw my christian counselor and I told her all about his behaviour and what was going on. She storngly believes that my husband is being convicted of his actions. She said that my husband often complained about things that I didnt do and now that I am doing the dares He can no longer really complain about me. Its like he is dumb founded and is angry . Not too long ago, my husband and I had an argument and he said that he was blessed by God. He is truly blessed because things are working out his way. He said that he doesnt feel guilty about his beahviour and that he can lay his head down and sleep peacefully at night! Well for someone who believes that he is blessed. He should nt be feeling guilty about his convictions and he should not be running away from the face of God. In the past we did go to couples counselling but the person we had was not a very good support. It was more of a boxing match each time we had a session and that the counsellor pitted us against each other. My husband feels that couples therapy will never work and he does not want to go. I decided to seek someone else on my own with a Christian point of view. If things work out between us- I have another Christian counsellor and a Pastor who is very willing to help us. I pray about this and hope it is apart of Gods Will for us.
If he believes he is blessed just because things are going his way, then he is in for a big surprise. But I will tell you this. People that walk of the world, and are being convicted will justify their actions to fight the conviction. And satan will help them do that in foolish ways.
Continue to pray for your spouse and his salvation. While praying for your comfort and strength.