Mother's day weekend. Only with his grace was I able to make it this weekend. He was with me every step of the way. Where do I start? He allowed me to complete each dare daily in his perfect timing. On day 8, I prayed that God would give me the opportunity to tell my husband something that makes me glad about him. Since my husband tries to avoid me, I had the faith that God would answer. He did and of course I was rebuked with a cold reply and stare. I continued to smile and speack with kindness. He did end up apologizing that pm that he was sorry and it was the only way "he can deal."
Day 9, Sat am. I greeted my husband with kindness, He wanted to know if I had thought about things. I told him that I had been praying about it. He pressed the issue of a divorce and asked how would I feel if the attorney's office calls next week and wants me to come sign the papers. I told him that I could only pray about it. He said that we never agreed before- why would we now? I never tried to defend myself and I responded only with love and kindness. I told him that I would not fight him. I want to treat him with love and it didn't matter how he treated me. I told him that it was in God's hands- I could plead and beg with him to change his mind and it wouldn't do any good. If we are to have a 2nd chance- it is up to God. So he didn't have to worry about that. That seemed to relieve him. I continued to act nice. He avoided me until around 4pm, he approached me with tears in his eyes. He asked for a talk and went onto to say how he had never been nutured by his mother and the only person he ever loved was his highschool sweetheart. He was a cold person who didn't care about his parents or anyone. He had hurt so many people. He never loved me. If I only knew half the things that he had done, I would never forgive him. I told him that I would forgive and that God could get us through this. We would have to cling tight to him. He went on to say that he was sorry for ruining my life. I responded with love and he said that he just wanted to be alone where he can never hurt anyonne else. I told him that regardless of what happened- even if he turned to another- I would continue to pray for him and stand in the gap. I want him to be healed and feel the fullness of God's grace, mercy and forgiveness. At that point, he wanted to be alone. I really had to focus on God and take my eyes of my spouse.
Day 10- Mother's day. I have two beautiful children that wanted to treat me special for Mother's Day. They gave me their hand-made gifts. I was grateful. I was lead to fix enough eggs for all of us. As soon as I had fixed his plate, he came walking into the kitchen and I was able to hand it to him. He thanked me and said that I didn't have to do that.We went to church with my mom and then out to eat. I had to go the the bathroom several times to pray for strength. When I finally got home,I asked him would he like some pizza from my lunch and he said yes. I took it to him and with his back turned- he told me I could leave it on the stops. When I finally got alone, I crumbled to the floor- repeated my scriptures over and over, sobbing until I finally was exhausted and laid quiet for about an hour. Then my spirit was quickened. I had never felt this before. I arose and started to worship. Before I knew it- I was dancing and singing before the Lord! My husband spent the day working outside - he did make some small talk when he finally came inside. The last thing he said was that he was sorry that I had a bad Mother's Day and maybe next year would be better. At first I said that it was no problem. Then I realized a few minutes later that was the wrong response. So when my son , asked to bring him some popcorn- it gave me the opportunity to tell him that I appreciated his apoplogy and that is what I should have told him the first time. I could tell it reached him
Day 11- Here I am Lord. Having to pray day and night for strength and comfort. You are with me every stop of the way. My husband avoided me as usual but God leads my footsteps. I was able to greet him with kindness. I scooped up a movie that needed taking back for him. Holding on to Jesus' hand. Carry me Jesus.I am leaning on you. I praise you today.
PS- Thanks Jason- I read your note to the mother's Friday pm. It was a comfort.
I sense that the journey still has to get a bit tougher for you before its going to get better. Praise God that you are relying on Him to comfort you! But you need to remember, when things get tougher, you just need to rely on Him more and more. Satan is doing what he can to get you off of the path you have recently started, dont let him!
Thanks Jason, Today has been hard and I have asked God for comfort all day. My husband just called to ask if we could talk tonight. I am praying for God's grace as I face the next step of this journey.
I agree with Jason, that it is probably going to get tougher before it gets any easier. Jason and I were both told that as well during the time frame you are at and for sure it was true. However, we all have Christ's strength and are well aware of it, which keeps us going day by day. Keep your focus on Him just as you are doing. I have to keep reminding myself - keep faith in Christ NOT your spouse!
Looking forward to hearing how tonight goes.You've got it girl!
Wendy, remember you are now in a personal journey with Christ. These dares are a daily way that you not only find what it takes to offer the love to others that Christ offers to you, but it is one that will ensure you love Christ first. And that is the only way to love others better.
My husband called to see if we could talk this pm. Once he got home, he told me that he realized that he had been arrogant. He was so hurt and had made he decision to leave. He was determined that he was not going to back out. He said that at first he was resentful at my kindness and love. He was like- "why now?- after all these years" As the days progressed, he continued to look for a place to rent, and was trying to talk to anyone else that he could just to get away from me. He said that he believed that his kids would be fine and it would not hurt them. As the days progressed and Mother's Day came to an end, he was starting to feel ashamed at how he was acting. At work, he felt uneasy all day and his boss came to tell him that he was going somewhere. It was related to something he had done over the weekend and he said at that moment he realized- He was making a mistake. This is the wrong pathway. He was fearful that I would not forgive him for some of his actions over the past week. Only with God's grace- I was able to show him unconditional love and forgiveness. I realize that I have rotteness to his bones and not a joy for him. I have been sowing bad crops for years and I have asked God to help me plant the fruit that he wants me to bear. I realize that my journey has just begun and I will need to look to God first his guidance. I am so thankful for his mercy and love.
Oh, precious Wendy. Reading this clenched my belly tight. Oh...I so know what you are experiencing...the awful and the good. Continue to stand. Continue to stand. Continue to stand. <3
Wendy - wow! What a change! Continue to keep your trust in Christ. You may start seeing the roller coaster of emotions from your husband. Just as Libby said - you've got the "good" with the "bad" going on...I think we can all relate to those right now. It is tough not hopping on their ride, but only by the Christ of strength can we not. He is our only stability and comfort.
My husband has given me permission for share what God has done for us to be an encouragement to others. I am making my journal available to everyone so that God can be glorified. Thank you guys for sharing with me in this journey.