Background, just before Christmas (Last Wed) My wife said she was leaving to visit family in another state and take a break from me. She had plenty of harsh things to say about me and our relationship for the past 16 years. Of course, it was one sided and I was the only problem. At first it caused a lot of anger, resentment and caused me to act childish and retaliatory. To make things worse, after I had some time alone I started to discover that there was more to the story, she had been communicating with another man from her hometown frequently for the the two weeks prior to leaving and then I found that she had arranged for our Teenagers to stay with other people while she stayed with him for a few days and then went to visit her sister. I will leave my harsh comments about her out of this. This is about me.
Well we had the book laying around here for years, and never looked at it. So, here I am.
To catch up, Day one I decided to bite my tongue and apologize for the way I acted. I relinquished control and began to practice patience. I did not react to anything said or done in the way that I was initially led. I kept quiet and remained outwardly calm. I was actually able to sleep some that night for the first time in a week and just in reading day 1, I broke down as I recognized myself and my indisciplined relationship with God.
Day 2 was hard at first, she is still out of town and will not be returning until after new years and I am not sure how the return is going to play out after this week. So I sent her a few things that were helpful to her. (One was access to her email which in the early stages I was acting harshly and changed her accesses and passwords. So I sent her the login information nothing more nothing less and said to have a good day, I apologize for acting rash and out of anger.
I also ordered a family gift basket for her and the family she is with to share (Sent anonymously).
Here is where I would like some advice:
Day 3: I am at a loss since she is not here, she has said she wants me to leave her alone, and for the most part unless something is needed isn't speaking or responding to messages. Since they are in another state, what can I do? I know this supposed to be about me, and not her, but the Dare is to give her something today to let he know I was thinking about her. How can we do this when they are so far away. The gift basket will arrive today, since I did two things yesterday will that possibly address today? I am cleaning up around the house, laundry, have to replace the coffee pot, things like that. But those are not "Im thinking of you" are they? I don't normally get involved in those things, so maybe that is my answer from God.
Welcome. As you stated. This is going to be a journey, one between you and Christ, not you and your wife. she will be used as a tool to mold you. you will be humbled. And it will get worse before it gets better. Do a dare a day, no more, no less. This will give her the space she wants and help keep the control out of your hands and in Christ's hands.
Do not snoop. If that's how you found about the other guy and where the kids would stay. If God wants you to know something, you will know without snooping. She may just be wanting to talk to someone. But even that is not right, but it does not mean she is being physical with anyone.
Do not read ahead in the book other than the appendix, especially about leading the heart.
Can you buy a gift certificate online and send it to her via email for the dare?
Try to read the dares early in the morning when you wake up. That way you have the whole day to get creative on the dares. You do what you can, when you can do it, but don't look for the easy way out and say "I cannot because of....". Take time and pray about each dare and spend time in God's word to obtain those answers. That is the primary form in which God speaks to us is through His word.
Stay strong brother.