Collaborate without boundaries

Healthy Rules of Engagement

  • Comments 3

Last night when I went to bed I congratulated him on his calm response to the Chair on the board he serves on. She had taken something he said wrong--so his first response was to tear her a new one and to get off the board. Before he did he texted me he was quitting and "just wanted me to know." When I got home I looked at what had been said (with his approval), affirmed him, and then explained what I thought had happened. I then told him to do whatever he thought was best, it was his decision. HE chose to send an email explaining his position and how he perceived her response. She then sent a response that did the same, and they came to a calm resolution.

Then I woke up to the shouting match.  It is interesting to me when I observed his shouting match with my daughter last night--he argues like I do when he is not arguing with me. I am very matter of fact--and I want to state the facts and then observe them. He is very emotional when he argues with me--all noise and gestures and horrible language. Last night my daughter was like him!

I hate conflict. He thrives on it and is angry ALL the time. I will be talking about this with my spouse today...I have some time to think about what I would request. I know he can be calm and just state facts, he just isn't at the place where he can do that with me. 

  • I did read where you mentioned you had been sick and are now back to a dare a day.  Sickness sure can slow things  down.

    As you continue to grow in Christ through the dares, he will continue to see the changes in you.  And this may be what brings him to make changes in himself.  Because he will see the peace of Christ that you have and will hopefully use his free will to change his constant anger to seeking Christ and His peace.

  • I agree with Tim. Its really easy to point out what they are doing wrong or could be doing differently in an argument. Try to focus on what you could change in your demeanor. Pray about it and that you can both get out what you need too but more importantly stop and listen to the other person. They may be wrong but you can try to see at least where they are coming from.

  • I agree, Tim, I have to work on me and change me. When we were discussing the rules we want in our marriage, he thanked me for not getting in the middle of his argument with Crystal. I said he was welcome, but it was a crazy argument because neither of them pay the electric, I do. WELL...sigh. That was obviously the wrong thing to say.

    I need to change my demeanor and let things go sfloyd06, you are correct. And listen to what is being said, period. At least he was able to come up with a rule before this so we could begin to work on the rules of engagement--and he promised to think about it today.

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