Collaborate without boundaries

I am back...and all is well.

  • Comments 8

I knew the break would be hard, I wouldn't be able to journal like I do when I am at work. I do not have access to a desktop, and my phone frustrates me to no end. It didn't matter, really, I came down with the flu and did not pursue any of the dares while I was out....I was focused on getting better. Without my realizing it, it also have me a  visual of what happens when I am not journaling and focusing on the love dares...my mind just immediately turns toward the negative like a compass turns toward north. I have plans to put up visual reminders...I wish I had had them already. All in all, he took good care of me the last couple of days I was sick--I was a nuisance to him before. He is used to me doing things and holding my tongue...and I did not do that very well. AT ALL. Sigh.

The love dare I was attempting before I began running fever was to do something out of the ordinary to demonstrate my love for him. This is so difficult--I keep the kitchen clean already because he complains if there are three dishes in the sink. I cleaned up his den for him--but then I found his dip and cup of disgusting saliva and left them out--so he was mad because I found it (he thinks he is hiding these things from me...I only care because it increases the number of seizures he has. He is not able to hide it from me because I can smell it far off....) I made chocolate cakes for him--but I am a whole food plant based cook so they were made with non-dairy chocolate and sweet potato instead of butter/milk. He likes the cake but hates the way I eat so he wouldn't eat them.

And then I got sick...and stopped caring. 

I know not to expect his actions to be anything...I just cannot think of anything he truly appreciates. I will take the truck today and clean it...that might be it. The ending of the dare says "You will not longer say I love you because..... You will now say, I love you, period." I have never been able to say, I love you because..... The reason I love him is I love him. He is a gift to me from God...seven years after my husband divorced me (I took my girls because he was sexually abusing them...so he claimed abandonment) DHW came strolling in and it was obvious this was God's will for me. I love him, period. The problem is I do not like his behaviors. Sigh. I will be glad when I feel better and get my head on straight. 

  • Doing something out of the ordinary has to be out of the ordinary. Make him chocolate cake with a ton of sugar in it and common ingredients. As unhealthy as possible. Something that would be outside of your comfort zone. Something he wouldn't dream of you doing.

    I bet you have behaviors that he doesn't like. Its quid pro quo. You have to accept them and deal with them. Neither of you are perfect and never will be. Accept the other person's flaws. The only way to truly do that is with God. As each of you come closer to God you will come closer to each other. But it takes two.

    Never stop caring. Jesus has never stopped.

    "He will not allow your foot to slip; He who keeps you will not slumber. "

    Psalm 121:3

  • Well, I knew that would be the one thing I would be expected to do (fixing the cake with unhealthy ingredients) but it is not something I will change. I cannot give him something I know will hurt him--it is too much like the wicked witch who gave Snow White the apple, or buying my mother cigarettes. I refused to sit by her bedside while she was dying from Congestive Heart Failure knowing that I had helped...and I refuse to sit beside my husband's bedside, either.

    And yes, I know I have behaviors he hates. In fact, most everything about me he hates. He does not just deal with it. I didn't just deal with it over break because I was sick...and I admit it. I have taken that to the only One that can make all things new.

    And I know...I should never stop caring. That is a HUGE thing for me...I bet it is a reflex I embraced to  help deal with the pain. I will keep this in prayer, and I ask for your prayers as well!

  • If it's going to harm him, completely ignore what I said then. I wasn't aware of that. He'll just have to get used to healthy cake.

    My wife hates everything about me too. Or so it seems. She is yelling at me through text right now about stuff that makes no sense. She (and I'm sure your husband) HAVE to find something to justify their actions. Their whole charade wouldn't make sense if they didn't. Someday they will realize that they were wrong. Hindsight is always 20/20. Hopefully it's just not too late. I think it makes her even more angry because I'm so nice about everything now and tell her I love her. But I'm doing what God commands me to. She will just have to deal with that in her own way. I feel so peaceful and actually feel sorry for her and your husband. The bitterness they carry has to be astounding.

    I talk to myself about just giving up on her everyday. Then some devotional or scripture tells me the truth. Sometimes is stinks but we must continue caring under all circumstances.

  • Thank you for your perspective...it must be pretty difficult for them. Something for me to chew on. And love, God is love. I am to be a reflection of that...and I must care. I am so glad I am on this journey...I am growing through this. Thank you for walking this with me!!

  • I'm glad to be sharing my story with you and to have the opportunity to help you. It's such a blessing to be able to spread God's love.

  • How I forget so easily how bad it feels to be sick.  Got a touch of something the last two days so I can relate again.

    While sick, still try to pray even if it isn't as long or as focused.  And if you can't, just rely on all the prayers of your past.

    I am not doubting the unhealthy cake is bad for him. But, some people over react.  I am not saying you are.  If it is harmful for him, of course don't make it.

    But, sometimes a person can be on a health kick and portray everything as being so much worse that what it is.  Agian, not saying you are doing that.  But, if you may, would giving him one small piece of unhealthy cake be harmful?

  • Again, i am sure you are right about not baking the type of cake he likes.  

  • Tim, I just saw your comments. Thank you or that...I have to remember how powerful prayer is! And he is going to eat harmful things whether I bake them or not. I just don't want be the one responsible for the consequence. :)

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