Collaborate without boundaries


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This one went well, I came home and purposed in my heart to be pleasant when saying hello INSTEAD of thinking of what I needed to accomplish. He was so surprised he forgot what he was saying in the middle of his sentence. This says a lot about me and how I walk with blinders on. I truly need to work on this, and what a wonderful way to do this. I really need a post it note to remind me to purposefully greet pleasantly...but that would make it not seem "sincere." I am going to have to ponder takes 21 days consistently to form a habit. 

However, this morning did not go well. He had told me yesterday he would put sheetrock up and close in the door in the front room. So this morning when we were getting ready for the gym I told him, "since you will be fixing that hole in the wall in the front room...stay here for a few minutes so I can wrap your present." When I returned he was in a BAD mood, and began yelling on the way to the gym. When I figured out it was because I expected him to patch the door I took it back, told him it was no big deal. Nothing I said made a difference, however, so I just stopped talking. After we worked out, he came out and was chatty, like nothing had happened. This makes me angry because you cannot just pretend things away...yet, I also know that he was probably just mad at himself for saying something and now he is pressed for time. I also know that he uses me as a verbal punching bag because he feels I am a "safe" person who will love him regardless...but this makes me angry because I am not a verbal punching bag. And now when I get home I am not going to feel like greeting him warmly. BUT love is a choice, and whether I feel like it or not I will. 

Philippians 4:8 (KJV)

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

  • You are still full of  expectations of him.  Have no expectations, other than for  you to grow in Christ in this journey.  And when you do grow more, you won't have the anger that you built up in you.  

    You changed the way you greeted,  and saw a result.  What would happen if you put some kindness in the way you talk to him?  More positive results I bet.

  • Instead of saying.... "since you will be fixing that hole in the wall in the front room...  How about saying something a little kinder sounding, something that doesn't sound so demanding.  Like, do you still think you will have time to fix.

  • pretend things away....why not just let  it go, and forgive him, without him having to say anything.  If you want to bring up every little thing up, you are taking control and  not  letting God handle these things.

    This is a journey for  you to grow, not  him at this point.  

  • I thought about tattooing stuff on me to remind myself to do certain things. I won't go that far but anything we do to help us form that habit is helpful. Once you purposely form a good habit it's downhill from there.

    I get SOOOO angry because my wife acts like everything is okey dokey all the time. Se called me the next morning after our huge fight the night before and was so sweet to me. I was very pleasant in return but in the back of my mind I was fuming. How can she think everything is ok right now? My brother-in-law (the psychologist) says her pretending that everything is ok is a reality to her in her current sate of mind and it will take a catastrophe to convince her otherwise. However our spouses must go down that road and hope we are at the end of it. Don't expect your husband to react how you want him to. I will do the same with my wife. Just be patient and ready when they do break.

    Love is a choice, and a commandment from our Lord, Jesus Christ.

    "Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing."

    1 Thessalonians 5:11

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