Collaborate without boundaries


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I began this love dare journey approximately 94 days ago.  I, like many others, did it as if I were gasping for air to save my marriage.  Not long into the book, I discovered that the love dare journey was not about fixing my marriage, but fixing my relationship with Jesus, which was just ok at the time, but sorely lacking.  But I accomplished all the dares pretty much right on the money, just as the book described.  My husband has responded really neither positively or negatively.  When I finished the first reading, the Lord said to me, "Now read it again, only this time, pursue ME as much as you are pursuing your husband.  Perform all the Love Dare Challenges as much as possible on ME!"  So I did.  My constant prayer was and is, "Lord draw me closer to you", and I've begun seeing a change in me.  Iv finished the second reading, I felt the Lord saying, "Now read it again.....but this time, distance yourself from your husband for a while."  This has been the hardest thing for me to do, but on Sunday November 11, 2018, our 23rd Anniversary, I went to church and during prayer time, I went to the altar and laid my husband and my marriage on it, and left them there.  I have had more peace and joy since doing that than I've had since Henry moved out of our house.  I've begun pouring myself into my relationship with Jesus and pouring myself into my church.  In the last month, I believe the Lord has given me a new ministry to show others how to develop a real relationship with Jesus which will be called "Removing the Veil Ministries".  I've also been asked today to be a part of the prayer team at church to pray for those who come to the altar or whenever there is a need.  I haven't done the Dares in about two weeks but intend to start again.  I believe with all my heart, that this is my Abraham and Jacob moment.  That moment when I am going to trust God implicitly with my husband without any interference from me. 

I've been feeling that I should separate myself financially from Henry as well, as we are still attached in that way.  My friends who have been providing Godly counsel also agree that I should separate everything.   Asthe Love Dare recommends, I apologized for anything I had done to contribute to the break-down of our marriage.  I promised to include him in all decisions from now on.  If the Lord asks me to distance myself now for a while, do I still keep those promises?  Thoughts?

  • To me, distancing yourself from your husband would come in the form of distancing your need from Him.  Your physical need, your mental need, your emotional need, your need of comfort, and let God be the fullfulment of all those needs.  To really know no human, husband or not, can provide what you truly desire, which is God, His love, His forgiveness, His salvation, His peace and comfort, His everything.  To be completely independent of needing your husband to fill any void.

  • When letting God fill all your voids, you are indirectly showing your husband your testimony without even saying anything.  Because he will see your peace and know your peace is not shaken no matter how standoffish he is.  and he will, we pray, seek what you have, Jesus.  and in separating your need for your husband in this way does not show your husband that you are dividing  yourself from him.

  • But,  doing things like separating finances is showing division and not unity.  Your husband will see that  you are now the one putting a divide between you two.  

    So, to me, show unity in staying together financially and that you are still accepting of him and the marriage, but show God you are further divided in a sense from your husband by showing God He is the sole source of your  comfort and the only fulfillment of all your needs.

  • To not include your husband in all decision making, at least the ones that a married couple should make together, is not honoring the covenant you created with him and God.  If he's open to being included in the big decisions, then include him.  

    I do not think God would ask you to do anything that shows the break down of the covenant.  

  • typos as usual in my replies....The very first sentence should be him not Him.  

  • Thought I would come back and just clarify that I am not going to say anything that goes against what God says to do.  

  • Thank you so much Tim.  I have felt so torn, but you have provided a tremendous amount of clarity.  Thank you, thank you!

  • I did the Love Dare all wrong from the beginning. It did eventually bring me very close to God but only after I kept putting my wife above Him for over a year. It cost me my marriage but it was a necessary journey to bring me to where I am, a complete servant of God. I'm not quite there yet though because I'm still hurt by the infidelity and I'm still bitter but it's a daily journey that I am thankful for. I look forward to paradise and I can only hope that she eventually comes back to God. I pray for her daily, not to get her back, but for her to return to God.

    If I were you I would continue to act married until that tie is severed. Let him sever it. I refused divorce and never signed anything. I still try to act married four months after divorce and I will for as long as I can.  It's hard though.

  • I agree with Tim and Eddie, don't do anything to cause further separation.

    I think the we all do the dares wrong at some point in them. I know I did. My insecurities made the dares  manipulation and lies, not the love that I wanted to convey. Only after turning and doing the dares on those God wanted me to do them on did I realize what it means to love as God does.

  • Thank you all so much.  I have been struggling and listening to other people about how I need to make sure everything is separated financially, how I need to tell him to come get the rest of his stuff......I have been so torn........thank you so much........back to the book.......LOL.

  • Couple of questions it alright if I express my feelings of love towards Henry even tho he appears not to care about me anymore?  I love him so much, sometimes I think I could forgive him anything if he would just come home.  I'm also past the tearful part of my grief pretty much, (except during prayer), and now I'm angry.  Our anniversary was November 11, and I asked him to dinner but he said no.  I went anyway.  Is it ok if I text him or call him to tell him I love him and miss him?  I want him to know how I feel, but he gives the appearance that it wouldn't matter anyway.  Neither do I want to appear desperate........what do you think?  Thanks.

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