Collaborate without boundaries

I miss my wife!!!

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I have to admit, I am really missing my wife the last couple of days.  I am in prayer throughout the day, try to take the word in as much as I can, and it has held me together.  Still I do long to be in contact with her, to have unity and emotional intimacy.  Is this wrong?  We talk so much about God being enough, and having Joy in this trial, and I agree God is all we really need and I am not depressed but he created relationships and marriage for a reason.  With that said, I don’t really have my best friend right now.  Maybe this means I need to dig in deeper and it will take my love for Christ to the next level.  I am just wondering how can I love my wife as much as I do, and not miss her being around or talking to her.

In my previous posts I had shared that my wife was intimate with me on Wednesday evening.  Since then she has pulled farther away.  I was pretty much expecting this, and at first was not phased by it.  Now I am seeing how much I enjoy our conversations, and just being part of her life.  I miss her sharing what is going on in her life with me.

I should also mention that God has put on my heart to do much less reaching out to her.  No more Good Mornings, or Good Nights… I have been pretty good about this, and so it has been silent.

I do believe with all my heart that God is going to restore my marriage.  I can’t explain it, but not only do I know he can if it is in his will, but I feel like he has shown it to me.  In the times that I have interacted with my wife, I believe there are four main things that are blocking it.

·         Me and how selfish, sinful, and destructive I was before,  making her wonder am I still that person.

·         Pride- She has already told everyone how horrible I am, so she is scared of what people will say.  She is also worried her family will cut her out.

·         Forgiveness- I hurt her really bad, and she can’t seem to let go of it and chose to love me.

·         And the biggest- the fallout of myself and her daughter.  Her daughter would be extremely hurt if her mom took me back, and would see it as a betrayal.     I honestly don’t know if her daughter would ever talk to her again unless God intervened.  

Knowing these things, I know that I can do very little to restore my marriage.  I can do nothing about her concerns of what people will think of her.  I can’t make her forgive me, and there is nothing I can do about her daughter anymore.  The damage there is already done.  The only thing I can do, is work on the first one.  By growing with Christ, and then walking with him in life, I can change.  Even in this step of changing, I can't make this transformation without God. It helps me to really see how powerless I am over the situation, even if I still feel lonely without her. 


The sad thing is, before doing these Dares, I didn’t really miss her.  I didn’t really love her, appreciate her, or respect her.  Now I have grown so much in those ways, that I also miss her.  I am offering that up to God as well today.

  • Keep praying! A scripture I have been standing on is to delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart! Remember we have a God who is bigger and better than any weapon formed against us!!! He longs for restoration in a way that only He can bring about. Keep delighting yourself in Him and looking to Him.... All these concerns you have take to Him in prayer. Find scripture that you can stand on and have faith. None of these are insurmountable for God! He can put to death all the old offenses and make all things new... Hang in there! Keep obeying Him and walking in Faith. You are such an encouragement to me and to plenty of others. I will stand in prayer with you on these things and let you know if God brings His scriptures to my mind on any of these.

  • As part of Celebrate Recovery you learn to forgive yourself and apologize to those you have hurt.  Part of the Love Dares also asks us to do the same.

    Those family members may never forgive you, but you can apologize to them if you truly believe in doing that.  It isn't for them, it's for you.  Carrying around the hurt and pain and how someone feels about you only hurts you.

    I think one of the reason my wife never came back is that she told so many people lies about me and she is too prideful to come back.

    I never had that ability to talk to my wife like you have now, so I will pray that it continues to get stronger.

  • Thank You both for your support.  It means a lot to me.  I had a surge over the last 2 hours that is was at peace in Christ, and then the sorrow of missing my wife hit me again.  I so badly want to reach out to her and converse like we did just days ago.  But I believe God wants me to just sit and be still for now so that I can trust in the lord to take care of it.  I don't know if it isn't complete enough faith, or just plain human emotion of missing her.  I do my best to just be obedient. I do believe he will change her heart and give her courage.  

    As far as reaching out to the family members, that is something that will be done as well.  I go to CR as well, and go to AA meetings.  Currently I am working on my 4th step and completing the inventory.  Trying to be patient in that as well, because I want to jump right to some 9th steps and make amends.  I was able to do the dare with my wife on this, but it was through a lot of prayer, to feel like it was alright to deviate from the program.  Kind of felt like doing the dares out of order.

  • I believe it is perfectly normal to miss our spouses.  I think of the father of the prodigal son and I bet a day didn't go by he didn't miss that son and go to the front porch to look to see if he was coming down the road.  How else did he see him the day the son did return?  He was watching for that boy!  I believe it is perfectly ok with God if we 'watch' daily for our prodigals to return too.  I have found myself feeling jealousy quite strongly of late.  At first I thought this was wrong, but was reminded today that God is jealous of anything we give to others that belongs to Him.  It's ok for me to miss my husband; to long for him; to be jealous of the time and attention he gives another woman.  After all, he is my husband.  I think where I cross the line is I wrap all my emotions and thoughts into my husband to the extent if I'm not careful I slip into allowing my joy to be lost because of him.  God is and should always be my greatest joy and I should not place this in anyone or anything else.  Anyway, that's just my thoughts.  I miss my husband, as well, Trey.  

  • I heard a priest say on the radio today i forget the exact words.  but something like,  the bible says, God says this good many times.  But once said this is not good, and that was for man to be alone.  So, it did hit me kind of like it is hitting you about missing her.

    But I think you will be ok as long as you know and put God first in your life.  And when you miss your wife and grieve for her, remember to tell God you long for Him all the more.

    When she isn't in union with you, let Christ fill all your voids like only He truly can.

    Because even in fantastic marriage, a spouse will always disappoint the other.

  • Concerning if she is wondering if you are that same person.  Well, only you, of course only in God's strength can determine this, is for you to be consistent in what you have learned in the dares of being patient and kind.  And this takes time.  

    Pray on this, but there is a LD book for a parent to do on kids.  Maybe that would help with the daughter.  A person use to journal about doing itand it seemed to bring her little one closer.  Sorry, Ican't remember who that was.  

    Just let God handle all the things that burden the marriage.  Far better to be in His very capable hands vs yours.

  • About your addiction.  i am sure it caused problems, but God is using that somehow for your benefit.  All  things are done for your good since you love Him.  He uses the week and the ones we think are flawed the most.  (No, I am not saying or thinking you are flawed, well, I guess I can say we all are, but you know what i mean.)  So let Him use to your advantage the addiction.  It is part of your testimony and somethign that is building endurance in Christ in you.  

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