I have been keeping a journal going on my tablet. Here's what I wrote on 5/12/12

We had already met to talk about our divorce settlement. I asked you for another chance and you said no. You said although you forgive me, you will never forget what I did to you. You said that you didn't understand why I want to fix it now. You pointed out that I didn't just find God and I didn't have a near-death experience. You said I've done all of this before and you don't believe a word I say. You said you wanted space and asked for me not to crowd you.

We texted each other back and forth the next day but only talked about the rest of the divorce proceeding. We haven't talked since then. So today, I am to be patient and say nothing negative to you. I did not call, text or email you because I trying to give you space and not crowd you. I went to Devin's funeral service today. It was an emotional day. I was thinking about you all day today. After the service, my friends and I went to dinner and then everyone left from our house because we all carpooled. Rich and Mindy asked what I was doing tomorrow and I told them that I was going to go to church. They were surprised so I told them why. I want to fix our marriage. It's a small step.