Collaborate without boundaries

Advice on seperation

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My wife says she is moving today and has packed her stuff yesterday. Is there any advice on dealing with this and stuff..our Pastor suggested to her to consider trial separation instead of divorce and she is going by the seperation..does counseling usually take place during trial separation? And I've read online that having a plan in place with hopes of reconciliation is the point of a trial wifed leaves it at either we will reconcile or we will divorce, she doesn't know what's going to happen but the seperation is well needed right now. When I had asked her if she would be open to counseling she said she doesn't know but that was when she was set on she is on trial separation, how can I bring it up?


Today we are meeting with a counselor and our Pastor to discuss the next steps and how we will be seperating..but it's in the air so far as if we will be working on our marriage still during this time


My wife is still cold but this morning she recognized growth in me because she asked me if she divorced me would I still be friends with her and I had told her yes and I will be here to give in to her as a husband or her friend but she also knows I'm standing for our marriage 


How can I bring up working on our marriage while separated with her, without sounding some type of way like I'm trying to control things.

I'm trying to get an understanding of the plan..

  • I was in that same exact situation. Neither of us did anything after mentioning a trial separation and it has now evolved into her filing for divorce. Your pastor and/or counselor should be able to advise how to proceed. I would think that you should attend marriage therapy weekly or at least biweekly. My wife attended with me for about two months until she quit because she said the therapist was trying to force her to stay married. She said the same about our preacher and eventually even quit church. It's so hard to tell what is going on in your wife's mind. That's why therapy is so important. She definitely needs time to figure herself out.

  • The usual advice is that a trial separation with specific dates for deciding when it's over and a decision has to be made is the proper way to do it.  

    When my wife moved it it didn't take her long to make up her mind for a divorce.  Most separations end up in divorce.  I thought of mine as a potential chance to save my marriage.  There were times where she almost came back.  So I think it's possible.  

    It's easier to save a marriage if you are under the same roof.  A separation can save your marriage.  It's better than the other option which is ending the marriage.

    Be honest and open and stand for your marriage.

  • Snaz what happened that she didn't come back?

  • Togba, above all, leave God in control.  it feels like desperation time and this is when the flesh wants to find a step by step guide to fix the marriage.  

    It is better to Be still and know He is God than to do to much and push her further away.

    Jenn went through a separation, actually twice i am pretty sue, and their marriage reconciled.  

  • Sorry to hear that Snaz. It's a shame when a marriage fails. No matter what, it hurts everyone, even the one who wants it. They just don't realize it.

    Togba to try to answer your question I'll use my own experience. My wife left for the better part of seven months then came back for two months then got me kicked out three months ago by lying about me hitting her in the face to police. All this time away from each other has just gotten us used to being apart. It's forming a new habit and even though I see and know what is happening my wife does not. She is getting what she thinks she wants and it is becoming normal to her. I do know that God is in control and in the end my wife and I both have to answer to Him no matter what we each think is right or wrong.

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