Collaborate without boundaries

Horrible

  • Comments 12

So something terrible just happened..my wife was horny and we attempted to make love and I went soft..and she started crying and pushed me away..before we made love she said she doesn't know if we should because she still thinks we should go with the seperation. Now its like its even worse. 

 

She told me to get away from her pretty much. I asked if I can pray for her and I did and left her.

  • She doesn't understand that it's not her..It's me..once again I was nervous and then once I felt that she wasn't really enjoying it..I went completely soft and she started crying..and it's like that moment is going to keep playing back in my mind..this happened the first month of our marriage and she started crying and I started to feed off of that..what am I supposed to do?? She wont even change in front of me..or be naked in front of me..what am I supposed to do?? Like it makes me weak..all of this..

  • It's hard to have sex with my wife because she has unrealistic expectations, she always has I have no room to mess up in intercourse  ss soon as i go soft its over ..ive gone soft before and got hard after. This is frustrating..I know the major reason she wants seperation is because of this..and she wont be understanding in this area

  • This is all above  my paygrade to respond, but I will try.

    She probably wasn't really wanting you physically, but wanted to feel close to you emotionally, to bond with you.  And that is good.  It  is part of the roller coaster ride where she was on the upward swing of the ride.

  • She may just be using everything that happens no matter what it is to get at you.  I am sure she felt hurt but she will also use everything to throw at you.  

    Stay humble, patient, kind.  

    worry, about anything, is not of God.  God  brings peace and contentment.  Evil rejoices  when you worry.  So next time, as tough as it will be, leave worry behind.  Maybe ask her  if you can just cuddle because that is what  makes you feel closest to  her, just to holding her for  no other  reason other than to just be close to her.  And  if more happens, maybe then you won't be so concerned with what happens.  

  • She reacted negatively and the roller coaster ride went downhill.  That's her following her emotions. It  is crucial now for you to lead your emotions and stay consistent.  The flesh will want to follow her  emotions and roller coaster ride, but, follow Christ and be in HIs peace and  comfort.  

    The flesh and evil will always want you to  perceive things  are really worse than what they are.

    Put  your thought into the fact she wanted to be with you emotionally and physically. that  is good.  

  • This could all be part of things  getting worse before better.  

  • This may not be part of it, and I really hesitate to say anything. And this may offend someone or someone may counter what I say and I welcome anyone to do so.  But here it goes.

    during the  middle of being together physically, if you perceive she's not enjoying being physical, you may get concerned and what  happened may occur.  But, maybe just ask her if you should continue.  Most  likely she  will say yes, and at that point continue and realize she would prefer to finish verses stop in the middle.

  • And she will feel better about herself that  you didn't stop, even if she wasn't really enjoying the act as much as she thought she might.  

    Again, not sure if this  is making any sense or if this  is correct, I am responding to a situation I have no idea how to respond to.

    But God somehow  uses everything for the good of those that  love Him.

  • I understand. It keeps playing back in my mind of her crying..It's hard not to think about it..the words I heard her say I believe was, "You don't Love me!!" And started crying when I went soft in her. I will continue with the dares but I know she's using this as her confirmation and ammunition for leaving..

  • As she told me to leave her alone..I came to check on her a few times because I was concerned..I even called her from another room on my phone..she said she just wants to be left alone..

  • OK, I'm going to try and respond to this from a female perspective. My husband has had problems from time to time, and the first thought that would creep into my mind was that he felt that I was unattractive and/or didn't love me anymore. And that's when our relationship was good! Because our relationship was good, I could fight the lies that Satan was trying to feed me.  It also helped that when those situations happened, my husband insisted on finishing me in other ways.  I can understand from your wife's point of view how if the relationship is stressed, she would feel the way she does and not have the emotional energy to fight those lies that pop into our heads as women when things like that happen.  Continue to do the dares and let her know how much you love her. Her response tells me that she feels undesirable/unattractive and is unsure of your love. Be patient with her.

  • In my 20 years with my wife there were times when this happened to me. I can tell you it had absolutely nothing to do with my wife or her appearance. It was entirely mental. You need to get to the root of the problem. You desperately need to see a therapist. There is a root. It's in your head. It may be completely unrelated to sex.

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