Collaborate without boundaries

Wife wants me to stop doing romance

  • Comments 9

Me and wife sat at table today and she expressed to me how she is hurt and all the pain I'v caused her and how she is unhappy and I'm not the man she thought she married 8 months ago and how ive changed ever since we got married and how we got married prematurely..she now says I need to stop with the romance because im putting my will on her..and if I respect her I should stop..I mean she wants me to stop like no more or else she will be pissed and she says buying her flowers amd dinner, I should stop it..I'm forcing my will on her and this is one of the reasons why we'r being separated because you always force your will on me. 

 

How do I do the dares now? 

  • You do the dares the same as you have been.  The best you can.  A dare a day.  

    The question is, Are or have you been doing more than a dare a day?  have you been buying her flowers or doing extra things in hopes of softening her toward you?  If so, and I am not saying you have been. but if you are, these are the things that are getting in her space and making her say these things.

    So, make sure you do a dare and then leave her alone unless she comes to you.  

    When you are doing God's will by showing your wife love by being patient and kind, that is not you forcing your will on her. That is you doing God's will.  And God's will does not force itself on anyone.

  • She feels something.  And it is not your or God's will being forced upon her.  What she's feeling is Christ's conviction.  And she does not like it.  And wants you to stop being kind and patient so the conviction of her decision goes away..  

    She doesn't realize her lack of peace is not because of you, but because of Christ.  pray she feels His conviction, understands what it is, and knows how to react to this conviction.  

  • Things get worse before it gets better.  Stay in a dare a day and you will end up seeing it possibly get better and understand why this getting worse part is serving purpose.

    Give her space by doing only a dare a day.  This gives God plenty of room to work in her.  

  • I may have bought flowers for the first 3 dares.. and check on her everyday asking if there is something I can do for her today and clean the house every day..am I doing too much than the dares?

  • Don't buy her things such as flowers everyday.  Only on the days the dares say to buy her something. Or on days you normally would such as her birthday, Christmas, days like that.  

    Cleaning all the house all the time can make her feel useless, like she's not needed.  And it may also get in her space.  

    In the beginning we look for things to do for our spouse, which is good in that we are looking to show kindness, but we end up overdoing it and it gets in there space and then they want us to stop everything.

  • Stop asking for now if there is anything you can do for her everyday.  Ask only if it's part of a dare or if it's obvious she needs help with something.  Asking the same question each day, especially if you are calling her or texting her is getting in her space.

  • I don't know why my wife is so bothered by what I'm doing to step up my relationship with God..1 day I made a picture collage on the side of my bed with specific scriptures over the family and specific scriptures over us..another day she asked me if I went out driving to make money that day I told her no..she said why not?..I said I slept most of the day and prayed..another day she came home and I was cleaning up and I told her that I was going back out driving in a bit I just came home to straighten up and spend time with God(didn't want her to think I wasn't going out driving so I communicated it and reason why I came home early) another day she said I was praying so loud in the shower I wanted her to hear it because I never pray loud in the shower..she says Im bible thumping her and I'm trying to be holy and how she spends time with God to so why would I tell her that I came home to spend time with God..I don't know what I did wrong I'm trying to step up my relationship with God by doing more and none of this was to show her..it was for me..what else was I supposed to say in these situations? She asked me why I didn't go driving I told her..I covered myself from a disagreement by telling her I'm going back out I only came home early because..and I pray hard and loud in the shower I always have since I started fasting..I put a picture collage on the wall on side of my bed so I can dwell on the scriptures on the different areas..she is upset about this and told me this is just an act and I didn't just get up and decided to do this..she asked me before who inspired me to put up the collage..she finding different things and twisting it around and throwing it on me and I have to just listen to her do it..she said a whole bunch of untrue twisted stuff..she believes that I do not find her attractive because I can get up for pornography and not her..she kept thinking of different things to yell at me about on the spot right there..she said I broke her her heart and I changed after we got married..I never appreciated anything she said I always put her down, never took her suggestions, says she went through emotional, verbal and spiritual abuse..there's no way Im this monster she is describing..she is saying I hope you're telling everyone all that you did and you did this..it's all your fault..when you talk to Pastor you better not put blame on me like how you've been putting blame on me..I can listen to her but when it comes to things that are not true I'm challenged..and doing this love dare I can't say nothing I just have to listen..outside of our disagreements I've been good to her..I've always gone out of my way for her..only trouble we had was me getting offended by things she would say and we would get in a disagreement..on top of that I tell her how many times I've masturbated and voluntarily brought that up the first time along with using sex pills..I shared that information with her and she says I'm still lying she believes im still hiding stuff..everything she is saying makes no sense

  • Keep biting your tongue, when she lies, bite your tongue, when she throws everything at you over and over, bite your tongue, when she mocks you and your walk in God rejoice for this and bite your tongue, when she spews venom bite your tongue, when you want to defend yourself, bite your tongue.

    Part of me says be more conservative displaying and praying so it doesnt feel like it is being thrown in her face.  Part of me says do what you feel led to do and never be afraid or concerned with displaying God in any way.

    But I remember when certain people would directly throw God in my face it felt ackward and i resented it.  

    Pray upon the things of God that you are doing that seem to bother her.  And she feels bothered by your testimony wishing for one that you were always like this, two that it is short term, three that it is you trying to throw God in her face that she needs to change.  four, she's throwing anger at you in response to God's conviction.

    but never be afraid of being a witness to Christ, but always do it without offending.

    As she attacks,  Be still, biting your tongue.

  • I did more than the dares suggested and it worked out the same way. She was mad and said I was manipulating her. I actually was trying to do that. I just didn't realize it.

    Get The Five Love Languages. Read it. Maybe she will read it also. It teaches quite a bit on being happy. Love is a choice and happiness is a choice. Another person CANNOT make you unhappy. That's her choice. Don't blame yourself.

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