Collaborate without boundaries

Dinner for love dare 18 didn't go well

  • Comments 11

I waited till she got home..when she got home I surprised her, music playing and I dressed in a blazer. She said I never do stuff like this I explained to her that I was a jerk but I want to do this now..we had dinner, nice conversation and then she broke down crying and opened up to me all the damage I did and how she cannot trust me..She told me about how she was about to trust me again until she found out about the pornography after I lied to her about it...she said that took all the trust away and I broke her heart..she said how manipulative I've been ever since we got married 8 months ago with alot of things and how many times ive belittled her and blamed everything on her and how im a different person..she says she feels and knows I can't get my penis up for her but I can get it up for pornography or sex pills..but I explained to her that she's the most attractive woman on the planet to me and I have gotten it up for you plenty of times..she explained that whenever she was in the mood for sex..I never wanted it..she could never initiate it..(alot of emphasis on sex) she said she believes all this is an act and I will go back..I explained to her that during sex I would mess up because I was scared and put alot of performance pressure on myself..she told me if she had a daughter and she knew that her daughter was experiencing all this she would tell her daughter to leave..

 

She still plans to move next month 

  • The dare may not have gone as you hoped.  But it was completed successfully.  Good touch about the music playing and the blazer.  I wouldn't have thought of those things.

    She needs to see your continued testimony through you doing each dare the best you can.  She needs to see consistency in your testimony over time.  

    She will throw  all her hurts at you.  And it is not easy to take, especially when or if she  overreacts or seems to remember things as worse than they are.  Or takes no blame herself.

  • As she sees you stay consistent in your walk in Christ, she may try to break you, and to get you to react, to prove to you that you haven't changed.  And that she's right about you.  

    As she keeps her wall up, just  be the best person you can be in Christ.  All the while biting your tongue, showing kindness, being patient, and Being still knowing He is God.

  • She may again have a talk throwing everything at you over and over.  Her memory of every detail of every wrong doing will be impressive.  If she keeps having these talks, pay attention, be humble, and bite your tongue, taking everything she throws at you like Christ took everything thrown at Him before and during the crucifixion.  

  • It hurt yesterday knowing alot of things she said wasn't the full truth

    She didn't understand that I was sdcared of disappointing her in bed and it created a fear in bed each time that it was hit or miss..she really thinks I dont find her attractive because I couldn't stay consistent in being hard during the intercourse..but I told her that I believe that she is the most attractive woman to me outside and inside and she said she does not believe that..she does not trust me and she was ready to give another chance until she found out about the pornography..shee believes I've been watching it more than I've said I've been, which I told her no only a few times, she believes I masturbated to a picture of a model which is not true I masturbated to a picture of her..which was wrong but I was being honest with her and she didn't believe anything..

  • She also asked me where I got the idea from about dinner..I told her I didn't get it from a person because I didn't want her to find out about the love dare

  • She opened up to you. She trusted you. Awesome.

    Sex therapy! Marriage therapy! You have discovered problems early enough to do something about them. Ask her to go to as much therapy as possible. That's what these professionals get pad to do. Seek their help. Tell her you too are sick of your old self and you need help to become a better person. And you want her to be there for that journey.

  • She opened up to you. She trusted you. Awesome.

    Sex therapy! Marriage therapy! You have discovered problems early enough to do something about them. Ask her to go to as much therapy as possible. That's what these professionals get pad to do. Seek their help. Tell her you too are sick of your old self and you need help to become a better person. And you want her to be there for that journey.

  • Give her  time and space.  

    If she finds out you are doing the dares, she will look at it as a step by step guide to trick her into coming back and then you will go back to your  old ways after the 40 days are up.

    If you need to ever say anything about what you are doing you could say you are on a journey to become closer to God and this molding you to love like Jesus loves, unconditionally.  

  • I would say I made progress within myself, I took everything so far have not said what she did and have taken responsibility for my part even tho she says she doesn't believe I'm taking responsibility because she doesn't believe I can change..I've hid a lot of stuff from her and lied to her these past 8 months And on top of that she feels scared when i hit the wall she feels verbally abused..I enrolled myself in anger management classes to get tools and coping methods to use instead of the wrong ones like yelling, saying what she always does and hitting the wall.

    The part I'm really thinking about is she said she was thinking of giving it another try until I lied to her about the pornography recently..

  • I'm sure she was hurt by you looking.   And if you told her and God you are sorry, and I know  you did, then let it go and do not dwell  on it.  Or her response.

    evil wins when we let the past get to us.  What she says and what she thinks can be two different things.  And she can say one thing at one time and not remember what she said or even say something contradictory the next time she says something.

    As you stay consistent in doing the dares and  your behavior she will be up and down like a roller coaster following her emotions.  And when her emotions get to you, you lead your heart.

  • Maybe you need to seek counseling to address your addiction to pornography.  It's a serious thing affecting many in this day and age and there is no shame in seeking help.  I came to the knowledge that I have an addiction to it as well, and being a woman, the shame of realizing that was almost overwhelming.  I was a volunteer at a prison near me helping facilitate and "Celebrate Recovery" program when this came to light.  I repented and made the choice to turn away from it.  I now have to be very careful what I see on TV or what I read in books, so I mostly read books that glorify the Lord instead of the trashy novels I was prone to turn to.  TV has to be limited to mostly generic things and I have to pick and choose movies I watch or go to watch.  Celebrate Recovery was a milestone for me to climb out of the addiction and to discard the shame and to walk in the freedom of mercy and forgiveness only Christ can give us.  My husband and I met in an adult chat room and I was a professing Christian.  I was also blind to the fact that this was a problem for me.  Once the Holy Spirit illuminated this area in my life, I was convicted and repented and got help.  Today I am at peace with myself concerning this and I praise the Lord He is merciful and forgiving.   Togba, get help.  I promise you won't ever regret doing so.

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