Collaborate without boundaries

Still Standing

  • Comments 4

Hello everyone,


I'm still standing and I still have hope for the covenant that me and my wife have with God.


My wife wanted to just get a divorce and end it, now she took wise counsel from our Pastor and she is willing to do a trial separation. She says we will either divorce after or seek reconciliation.


This to me is a big step because a few weeks ago she said she doesn't believe in us or our marriage and we were not supposed to get married and everything negative..I have taken responsibility for all of the damage I have caused to her thus far and I'm getting right and not looking back on my old matter what she says..she says she cannot trust me..I have lied, pushed her away, blamed her to protect myself in many arguments but I see that now and I know what God is doing now inside me


I am having fleshly challenges, I miss the intimacy with my partner, touch, laughter..last week I turned to pornography which I repented after and will never go down that road again..I miss her kisses, touch, etc..we still sleep in the same bed currently and it's hard..I have challenges and thoughts of self pleasure but I do not want to go down that road..


It also hurts seeing my wife unhappy, smileless, she is usually an energetic bright colorful person but it's like she is shut down for a month now she has been cold, a month now since she has brought up a divorce, which now it is a trial separation. I'm praying for her heart and for healing to take place..I don't like seeing her unhappy like how she is..I know I cannot control that but it sucks 

Also any advice on how I can do Dare 17, when my wife is closed it talking about asking to talk about her struggles or mine? If it's her struggles how can I talk to her when the focus has been me this whole time on how I did this? According to her and she feels we should not have to discuss her part..I have no idea how to ask..





  • As far as how to do the dare.  If you aren't, try to read the dare early in the; morning and pray upon it, so you have all day to pray off and on about it and to see how God will open the door for you to accomplish the dare.  

    The success of the dare isn't if she responds, the  success of the dare is you attempting to do the dare the best you can.

  • Do not be surprised if for a short while she doesn't  get colder.  Because after she said she would try a separation she will feel like she let her  wall down. And she may show extra coldness to prove to you that she hasn't caved in and to prove to herself she is justified in what she's doing.

    Don't pray for her to be happy.  IN fact it is good if she's not.  We usually don't change when we are happy.  So, if she's frustrated, she has a better chance of listening to God's will and that is to reconcile with you.

    If you are praying for her heart and healing  to take place, make sure it is not for selfish reasons.  We so often pray for our spouse to change so that we benefit and they come back to us.  If you feel selfishness in the  prayer, it may be best to simply pray for God's will to be done in her  life.

  • That's good she lightened up on the d talk, but have no expectations of her to keep lightening up on the  d talk.  When we see our spouse soften even a tiny bit, we often want to take control and fix  things or show them  how to change. And this is us taking control from God.  Be cautious, doing anything over a dare a day will be taking control and getting in her  space. The space she wants and needs from you right now.

  • People who get a d know in their heart that they are wrong. They try their best to justify it. They have to constantly convince themselves that they are doing the right thing. From all my research in the last year I can definitely say that there will be a point in which they regret the decision.

    I understand the fleshly challenges. We are only human. We desire that intimacy. Paul speaks a lot on that. Study his writings in the New Testament.

    I hate seeing my wife the way she is also. Actually she seems happy but I know she is not. She's trying to convince herself she is. One example is ever since our daughter moved in with me my wife has been texting and calling her like crazy but our daughter pretty much ignores her. My wife can't be "happy" about that but it is a consequence of a bad decision. Our son is moving in with me tomorrow so the same thing is going to happen. My wife has already lost her father's side of the family because of her decision. It just doesn't get to a "happy" point when you try to make decisions that go against God. Your wife will encounter these type of things also, I'm sure.

    Financially a trial separation will be hard but it could actually end up benefiting you. And her. You both may need some time to reflect on the marriage. You have to work on yourself. Control your anger. Your envy. Your jealousy. Any negative feelings. Show her you can handle it but let her know you still love her unconditionally.

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