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Still Dreaming - Need God's Word & Comfort

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I Need God's Word & Comfort

Day 36 Round 2

Today's Dare is to get into the Word of God.
Previously I wrote that my wife and I used to do this daily, but stopped.

More comments after the Daily Verses

Proverbs 12:25
25 Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.

Jeremiah 33:2-3 (GNT)
2 The Lord, who made the earth, who formed it and set it in place, spoke to me. He whose name is the Lord said,  3 “Call to me, and I will answer you; I will tell you wonderful and marvelous things that you know nothing about.

I have been encouraging others to keep fighting for their marriage, doing the dares.  Now I'm really really struggling.

It doesn't feel like fighting.  It feels like putting my life on hold for her, and waiting for the inevitable divorce. 

What has been going through my mind, is finish to day 40, only have a few more days left.  This will give me time to find out if she is definitely with this other guy.

If she is, then I really am wanting to walk away. The urge is really strong.  I've caught myself going to the US Post office website and almost setup a forwarding to her apartment, since she hasn't done so yet.  I have thought about just getting my own cell phone plan separate from hers.  Making sure bills are split hers and mine as best as possible.

Moving on wouldn't stop the pain, but would guarantee the finality of it.  I'd be certain it was over.  The torture of not knowing would be over.

When I talked with God about it last night, He said I have the right to divorce.  I can force the outcome, or wait and make it be on her.

Last night I was okay with waiting.  I'm struggling again today.

I look at myself as this pathetic person waiting for her to come back, while she's out doping whatever she pleases like our marriage was nothing but a long dating relationship.  I mean, I wouldn't want my close friend to do what I'm doing.  I feel like this is weakness, waiting and hoping.  I think a stronger person would just walk away and move on.

I know this isn't how God feels.  He still wants me to stand for the marriage.  Other than waiting and doing a few dares, what else can I do?  I can keep praying and reading the word, and keep working on me.

This is so difficult and hard.  I need to go pray again.

  • You have yet to build all the endurance you need in Christ.  I'm sure it's your flesh or evil saying it's fine to walk away.

    The same with you feeling weak in still standing.  Was Christ weak when He didn't walk away from His crucifixion?

    You plan on possibly snoop.  Don't.  Christ will let you know if He wants you to know.

    Separating the bills etc is your desire to take control from Christ.  

    Do the dares only.  Everything else is Christs job.

  • I don't want to do a round 3...  I've done 2 rounds, would a 3rd round benefit me?  Maybe get the Love Dare devotional instead?  I feel like a sit down protest vs a battle.  I know God is doing his work on her, but I feel I could be doing more.  If not then give up the ghost.  Even Christians don't understand many are wanting me to walk away now.  How long do I endure?  That's what I'm doing, enduring.

  • She texted want to talk to me tonight, on phone.  Praying.

  • Hey Snaz, you don't have to do a round 3, in fact, I think anything beyond 2 becomes too much.  Do some things for yourself. Find some Christian books and activities where you continue to build your walk with Christ that also builds your mind, body, and spirit.  That is important.  Glad she wants to talk tonight.  Praying for you.

  • I'm kind of anxious to hear about the call.

    However, people that are wanting you to walk away. No one. Absolutely no one should ever lead you to walk away. That is a decision that you must make all on your own. Get guidance from your pastor or church leader. But anyone that suggests you give up and leave is not a good advisor. They can support your decision if you decide to leave. But no one should suggest or push it. Remove those people from your confiding in circle.

    Now I am not saying you don't have the right to divorce. If she is in another relationship then you certainly do. However, as I read your post, I came to see where you have put conditions on your staying married. That is also understandable kind of. God gave us that out for a reason, and you feel the way you do for a reason. But what if she was in a full blown affair, and she finds that grass is not greener. Comes back, and then you find out she was in a full blown affair. What do you do?

    Right now, you truly need to focus on Christ. Completely. Your having a hard time because there is conviction or something. Take it to prayer. Seek in Christ the direction of your foot steps. Ask Christ to protect your thoughts, for Him to take them and only allow you to process the ones that will honor Him.

    Lead your heart to your wife. In fact, right now in your head try to divorce your marriage, but not your wife. Or maybe if you decide to start a round 3. Declare the divorce of the old marriage before you start. And truly focus on christ and the wife of your youth.

    As for growing. There is so much. One of the best things is church and church groups. Find a men's group.. Surround yourself with those that follow God faithfully and can bring you further in your walk.

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