Collaborate without boundaries

Forgiveness--Day 25

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Again, a dare I don't know how to complete because I don't have any grudges against my husband or any issues that haven't already been addressed and forgiven.  I for sure struggle with unforgiveness toward my ex-husband, but not my current husband.  It's hard to forgive when someone continuously makes the choice to be hurtful or vindictive.  It's hard to forgive when someone decides that your happiness needs to be stopped or when they spread lies about you because you are no longer under their control.  Those are hard things to forgive, and those are the things I am struggling with right now.

My ex-husband's lies have run the gamut.  He tried to poison my husband's mind against me when we were dating.  Of course, not only was my husband skeptical of any information he got from an ex, but he had also known me for far longer than my ex had known me so there was no way he believed I was the person my ex was painting me to be.  When that failed, he tried to poison my children against my husband and against myself by telling them horrible lies about my husband.  When that failed, he moved on to lying to CPS in an attempt to get my husband in trouble for child abuse.  All these things failed. 

So he turned his focus to finding a new wife, and I was happy he did.  I thought that this would mean he would finally leave me alone.  I mean he had a new wife to focus his attention on, but I was wrong.  I found out I was pregnant, and he started with anonymous calls to CPS again.  When we found out we were expecting a boy, he called more often.  My ex wanted to have a son, but we had had two girls instead.  He insisted that it was all my fault, so the idea that my husband was getting a son sent him over the edge.   He tried to re-establish a relationship with his daughters (he hadn't spoken to them in almost 2 years), which I applauded, but he wanted them to come live with him in another state, and I was not okay with that.

He won limited visitation in court, and we thought we would be free from all the drama and nonsense.  We were wrong.  This time when he suspected I was pregnant he began again with CPS calls.  Not only that, but he began texting my husband trying to drive a wedge between us by lying about my care of the kids while my husband is gone.  Of course, that part didn't work.  My husband knows me and knows how much I do to take care of the kids and the house...but the repeated calls to CPS have taken their toll.  CPS is now convinced that instead of being a false accuser, my ex must be right about his accusations.  They have even tried to take our children.  We won in court on that count, but we are still dealing with CPS involvement since my ex is still calling.  We can't seem to get anyone to press charges against him for false allegations.  

And now he's gone to court to take my girls away since CPS wasn't able to.  These are the types of things I struggle to forgive.  And I'm not sure if I will ever truly be able to.  It's a constant daily struggle to let these things go because I feel like the abuse didn't end when the marriage did and that he has found another way to abuse and harass me in my new marriage.  I know God has a plan though.  I know that the truth will ultimately come out, and I'm hoping it does before anything happens to my children.

My husband and I are determined not to let the stress from all of this do any more damage to our marriage.  It's so easy to forgive my husband when I can compare the minor offenses he has to the abuse I suffered before.  That perspective is worth it since it makes forgiveness easy in this marriage.  So I'll be grateful for that as I continue to pray that I can forgive my ex.

  • the only way I could forgive my wife was to take the forgiveness God gave me and then extend His forgiveness to her.  And what a relief I then had.  First person I had ever forgiven.  

    Find a way in prayer, as you said you do, to forgive the ex.  Also, pray for him in earnest, in an unselfish way.

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