Collaborate without boundaries

Lost and don't know what else to do

  • Comments 13

monday I was told my wife was seen kissing and hugging another man. We have been seperated for almost 2 years but from this January until a few weeks ago we were doing things together, sleeping over.. everything changed a couple weeks ago. I had been giving her complete space no texts or calls. But after hearing about that I knew I had to talk to her because if I didn't I felt I was going to lose her to this man. When I spoke to her she admitted to kissing and hugging this persongodbye and then started bringing up the past and sllamming me with it. She then said she wanted a divorce and was going to file. She has been hanging out in the bars everyday and I don't even recognize her and neither does her own father. She has changed so much. How do I save my marriage and what can I do if anything???? I love her very much and want to save my marriage.  I feel like now the only thing I can do is completely back away and give her all the space she needs and pray that god will touch her heart and that she will come back to me. Anytime I send her a text or a call she only gets more mad and hasn't responded to any of my messages in til now.. 

  • Things may have moved to fast for her from January till a few weeks ago.  So, yes back off, but I will still say do your best to do a dare a day.  

    Love believes the best.  She was just giving someone a hug and kiss goodbye.  Not saying that it was appropriate, but it could have been platonic, just a goodby betwen friends.  

    Yes, you have a right to bring this up to her and protect the marriage.

    Keep in mind 80% of what we worry about didn't happen, 15% we make out much worse than it is, and 5% we continue to forgive and love unconditionally.  

    Your old wife is in there somewhere.  

    She may act happy going out nonstop, but true joy is only found in Christ.  Seek this joy even in this suffering.  

  • You would be amazed at how people are certain they saw something when they really didn't.  Do not believe everything you hear.  

  • Just found out she is now sleeping with this person. Don't know if my marriage can be saved anymore. I won't give up and I'm on day 38.. I will continue until Day 40 and then start over at Day 1 again. I refuse to give up just yet. She hasn't filed for Divorce but now that she is sleeping with him I feel that it's inevitable that she will. My whole world has been destroyed in a few weeks. What happened to the woman that kept telling me she won't ever give up and that she values and believes in our vows "in sickness and in health, in good times and bad"

    Don't know what I should do now

  • Tim I agree but the sleeping with him I know for a fact now. There is no denying it and it has broken me and my heart and soul. But I refuse to give up and I'm asking god for guidance and understanding and if I can be able to forgive her if she ever comes back. She isn't being herself and the true her would never have slept with anyone or given up on her marriage.

  • forgiveness and unconditional love.  That is what you need to do for her.  When sin of this magnitude happens, it does not require the covenant to break.  In fact a trial such as what we all are in should exemplify what a covenant is.

    We are told over and over to forgive.    Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.     Forgive not once or twice, but 7 X 70 times (infinitely).    

    If you struggle to forgive, then look at it this way.  As love comes from God, it is us only sharing love for our spouse and others, since love does not come from us.  And do the same with forgiveness.  Share or offer through you the forgiveness Christ offers you to her.

  • If, when you forgive her for this, the burden will be lifted from you.  So when this happens, choose to feel sorry for her and for how far she has fallen.

    And when the thoughts build  up about what she has done, remember how often in your life you have sinned and God has always forgiven you.  So, do the same for her what Christ does for you, and forgive her always.

    Let God seek any vengeance.  Leave that up to him.  But, you do have a right to protect your marriage, and as Caleb did in the movie, you can also confront the other guy.  But do not use physical force, though you can be firm in your stance.

  • And when you think you can not handle all of this, look at others journals such as Lynn's, Par's, Steven's, and many others who have continued their stand knowing of an affair.  And you can do the same.

  • Tim I am struggling to understand. This is not my wife not even close. She would never do something like this. She is the one who wanted me to do the Love Dare. She has fallen far from where she used to be. I don't know how to even try to reach her. She won't answer any of my texts or calls. I'm being told by her family and friends that I need to just leave her be and see what happens and see if she comes around. Nobody understands what's going on with her. She is so lost and I wish I could save her from herself but I have seen I can't. Not until it's to late and she has completely fallen. I'm afraid that now with all this and now her sleeping with this guy that she will soon be filing for divorce and then all hope is lost as she will be consumed with her relationship with this guy. I feel hopeless and forgotten. Feel like my wife has forgotten her vows and forgotten that she has a husband that loves her very much.

  • Remember, God is never late.  For you, when you seek Christ, there is always a solution or an end to every trial.  You will be taken care of and you will be more than okay as long as you keep Christ way above your wife and everything else.

    Some things and some people's actions can not be explained in any logical way.  Sometimes you just have to file these things in the  There is no explanation folder.

    She has fallen into the world's ways, allowed her flesh to consume her thoughts and actions.  Evil is influencing her.

    Pray Jesus protects and shields her from the world's ways and evils influence.  And that God's will is done in her life.

  • It may feel like there is no solution or no way for her to bounce back.  But with God there is.  There is no problem to big for Him.  Big God, small problem.

    I know we all want control or at minimum some input into fixing things.  But, it is best to leave her and the marriage in God's hands.  If there is a way for you to open the door more fully to let God work in her, I pray it is revealed to you.  But, other than attempting to do the dares, it is probably best to leave her completely alone.

  • It may feel like there is no solution or no way for her to bounce back.  But with God there is.  There is no problem to big for Him.  Big God, small problem.

    I know we all want control or at minimum some input into fixing things.  But, it is best to leave her and the marriage in God's hands.  If there is a way for you to open the door more fully to let God work in her, I pray it is revealed to you.  But, other than attempting to do the dares, it is probably best to leave her completely alone.

  • You are not alone in your circumstance.  Many others have been in this same situation or worse.  One person's wife abandoned not just the marriage, but the kids.  Was ready to leave the country with an ex convict, and yet came back to the marriage and did the love dare devotional for  couples.

    Two people's spouses had  babies with someone else and still they opened there arms for their spouse.  

    I wish you could put a handle on how and why she is doing this, but let go of trying to fully understand why.  

    Feel sorry for her and find peace in Christ.  He will fill your voids.  

    You may want to  start a new journal entry in case this one gets pushed to the next page or I or no one  remembers to come back to this entry.  but I will try to come back to  check later at some point when time is available.  

    May His peace be with you.  

  • Do not  worry if she will file or not.  Worry will add nothing but misery.  She may be so preoccupied she does not take the time or have the desire to file.  Many spouses just leave the filing alone.  She has free will, and who knows what she will do.

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