Collaborate without boundaries

Don't know what to do anymore

  • Comments 8

I'm new on here but I have been doing the Love Dare now for 28 Days. My life and marriage are completely turned up side down and I'm more last than I ever have been. 2 years ago this September I came home from work to find my wife just left me and took everything she felt was hers and the animals which were mine before I met her. Last October she planned an amazing get away and introduced me to this amazing program and also the movie Fireproof. She wanted me to do this Love Dare along with her but I wasn't ready and I was still so angry with her for what she did. It did touch me in so many ways though. All I ever wanted was for her to treat me like I mattered and talk to me with love instead of hate and anger. She attempted to do the Love Are on me and I know now that I was super resistant and in December I sat her down and told her I wanted a divorce. I saw the extreme hurt and pain in her eyes and voice and she begged me and asked me to talk with her and hear her out. I did just that and she promised to change and show she wanted our marriage and me and would never give up. Through out the year we have done many things. Went on a special trip to Cana day and that started everything off big time. Seriously lit a spark in my heart and I was trying. I was spending the night at her place, doing holidays and other things with her family, dinners, movies, just spending time together. Everything was going great I though. Beginning of July she was out of work temporarily and spending time going to the bar and doing things with her cousin and girlfriend and one of their friends who is a guy. I came home from a week out of town and say her down and told her I was all in and ready to do the Love Dare and make this work 100%. Her answer to me was I don't know!!! I was absolutely floored by that answer and all the wind in my sails was gone in a millisecond. I tried to convince her and she was concerned about things she needed to see from me not being changed or fixed yet and I said give me to the end of the year and I would correct all of them. About a 5 days later she called me and said ok end of the year. I was on cloud nine again. She was going out of town and before she left I met her at her place and gave her the biggest kiss and hug and wished her a great trip. Everything falling in place finally. Well while she was gone someone sent her a message I was on a dating site! She came home pissed and angry and didn't care about anything i said. She told me I would never change that I was a liar and she can't do this anymore. In the mean time I found out she was talking to that friend of her cousin. Her das said she was very upset and I told him and her I would prove I was never on this site and when I finally got a hold of the dating site they sent an email confirming I was not on this site or any activity on that site for 8 years right after I met her. I set the proof to her and her das but she didn't want to hear it.  I told her I would ever give up on her just like she swore and promised me she wouldn't give up. She told me she feels we should after 2 years go our separate ways. I was hurt and destroyed and I knew in my heart something was wrong and knew that talking to this person was clouding her mind and emotions. 

Mext days Love Dare was to cook her a nice dinner and a nice conversation. I did this and invited her and she never showed. I took all the food to her parents and split it between them and her and asked that it would be taken to her. I spoke to her parents and ensured them that my trying was serious and o wanted my marriage and love their daughter very much. I also told them I was going to go up tot he bar and ask this guy to back off my wife nicely that I was trying to save my marriage and have been trying since January. Well it got back to my wife and she got even more pissed. She won't answer my texts or calls or even talk to family members who have tried to talk to her to say what is she doing that it's all she wanted. In a text I told her I would leave her be and let her calm down and decide what she wants. She responded that she knows what she wants and when I asked if she wanted a divorce she said "I do and you can blame it on anything you want!!" Later on she told me all I've done is push her further  away with my texts and calls and accusations and when I said it was this guy or her marriage she said my threats.

i am so seriously hurt and already being seperated is making it even harder. I thought we were on the right path and I believed in her and never gave up and I saw her change. I've never stopped doing the Love Dare and now I'm in Day 28. Her family is telling me to back off and leave her be, give her space and time. She just went back to work.. I'm wrotting all the days dares and what I would do on paper and putting them in envelopes to give he if she ever talks to me. M praying to God and Jesus for strength but I'm hurting so bad and just want my wife and my marriage. I love her so much. I need help and guidance. She promised she would never give up and never quit and now she won't even talk to me or respond and is telling me she wants a divorce then saying all I've done is push her further away. What do I do?????? 😔😔😔😔😔

  • WElcome.  Look at the LD as a journey, one between you and Christ, not you and your wife.  She will be used as a tool to mold you.  Do a dare a day, no more no less.   Remember, no more than a dare a day, she needs space and you want to control the situation, which pushes her back further and takes the control out of God's hands and puts it in yours.  You do not want the control, it's part of what got you in this mess.

    So, do the dares as intended.  Do not manipulate them.  If you truly cant do a dare, do not save it in an envelope and give it to her later.  That is you controling.  no where does it say to do this. If you want another chance to do certain dares, then do another round.  

    Do not read ahead in the book except the appendix, especially about leading the heart.  Do not look for

  • any responses from her as you do the dares.

    Why tell her parents so much, such as you going to talk to this guy?  is it you wanting them to talk to her?  At thjs point, the way i see it, the more you involve others, the more she feels you in her space.  You do not want that.

    You do have a right to protect your marriage.  And to talk to this guy, without punching him, but showing Christ.  Yes, she will be angry about that, but she will probably get over it in a day or two especially if you are not contacting her other than if a dare requires it.  

  • You need to give her space and be very consistent in what you have learned in the dares.  She needs to see the new you long term.  Not just a few days or weeks.  Stay patient and kind.  

  • Tim no I haven't heard from her or talked to her in 2 weeks except I was texting but she never responded. Just said she decided what she wants and then said yes a divorce. Then said all I've done is push her further away. I'm so lost I'm trying and I Believe and I'm putting all in gods and Jesus's hands but she isn't giving me any clue as to her feelings. Friends have said to give her space as too. It's hard after finally forgiving her..

  • I'm not contacting her at all even if a Dare requires it. I'm just doing the dares and improving myself. If I have to start over at day 1 after I'm done wth 40, I will... I Believe and contact will only push her further away. Hate not knowing what is really going on with this guy.

    And yes I was talking to her parents for some help with my wife.

  • Do the dares as intended.  even if it means talking to her, give it your best shot.  If she doesn't receive texts or calls outside of attempting the dares, she should have enough space.

    It's fine to let her parents know you are standing for the marriage, but if your intention is to get them to talk her into coming back for you she will sense you put them up to it and feel like you are turning people against her.  

  • Tim everyone in her family is telling me to give her space. No texts no calls no nothing. I too feel like it's my only option but I will still do the dares and let them change me so she can see if she comes back to talk

  • I may have misread your entry about texting her beyond the dares.  And we may disagree on how to do the dares, but please continue to journal.  We all want the best for you and to see continued growth in you.  

    You probably do, but always pray on anything anyone says to see if you should follow what they say, especially anything I say.  

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