Today was the day I started my journey over again, this time from a much different and better point than the last time. It still isn't easy, but a journey worth taking again.
The day couldn't have gotten off to a worse start. I didn't sleep well last night because Cindy my wife was very upset with me, and she wouldn't talk. She would just make flip statements just to get me going and then say I'm going to sleep now. She knows just how to push my buttons. Well this morning I was up just after 5:30 and just couldn't fall back asleep, so I got up and went downstairs. When she woke up after 7 she came downstairs and said "what are you doing?" in a very derogatory tone as I was reading the paper online. When I told her that I wasn't feeling good and couldn't sleep anymore she just acted like that wasn't a good enough reason, and that I was trying to hide something from her, and she went back upstairs to start to get the kids up.
I followed her up a couple minutes later to get ready for work and before I got my shower, asked her nicely and calmly to tell me what I was doing to make her so mad and how I could prove to her that I have nothing to hide. I said that I've worked to hard and am continuing to improve myself to make our marriage work and am not going to throw it away by trying to hide anything from her. She said nothing. But when I got out of the shower and was getting ready she had Ironed my cloths for the day. I just don't understand..............
Before I left for work I made sure that I thanked her for ironing my cloths and was able to give her a hug and kiss on the cheek.
After work we were pleasant to each other and I helped her with a few things around the house after soccer practice.
I was able to not say anything negative today. I've gotten better at that but I need to really work on how to deal with issues with Cindy so that it doesn't feel like I'm entering a battlefield.
I'm looking forward to day 2, but It's hard constantly recieving mixed signals.
Take a big deep breath. Let it out. Now understand that the journey you are taking is very powerful and will change you. You are a testament to the change the Lord is molding you into. Your wife is not going to understand what is happening but she will begin to see by your testimony. Read the journals here. You are not alone. It is hard and personal. I love every day of the dares. Through my weakness I grow stronger. By the Lord's grace I am of HIs will. He choose to love us. He choose you to take part in this journey. Take it day by day and don't force the dares. Let Him guide you in the dares.
Look for the opportunities that Christ will give you. When she came down in the morning and started. Instead of being on the defense and explaining, you need to say Good Morning love. Greet her always with joy. No matter how venomous she is.
You are going to feel like you are on a battlefield...BECAUSE YOU ARE! The mixed messages will continue, too. They will escalate. You MUST focus on Him. Breath deep as JasonW said and spread honey...smile when she pees on your shoes. Im serious.
Thanks for all of the support!!! I wasn't sure what kind of responses I was going to get from my posts since I just started. The encouragement is much needed and appriciated.