I think my husband and I have a “cleaving” issue. Nothing really in our lives is as one. We have one bank account that we both share, but neither one of us even knows how much the other one brings home salary wise. I pay the mortgage and condo fee and he pays the household bills. I buy our groceries mostly. And with the one bank account, I am the only one who deposits money in it. But my husband would use this account for purchases. It used to make me SO mad. He’s spending my money and not even saying anything. There have been plenty of arguments about that.
Now I realize that by making such a big deal about him spending money, I was fostering an atmosphere of him not feeling like we were one. It’s amazing what God shows you when you’re at rock bottom.
Today my husband asked if he could use the joint account to get some gas. What kind of wife makes her husband ask for money for gas? SMH I am so ashamed at how I’ve behaved in the past. But I’m so glad God is a forgiving God. I have asked him to forgive me for how selfish I have been. I will try to talk to my husband about it tonight and see how it goes.
Firstly I would like to commend you for getting this far in your journey.
Second I think you have to be mindful that the enemy of our soul fills us with guilt in order to drag us down. You need to understand there is an order of thinks in the Kingdom of God and we are called to operate under kingdom rules.
Your husband is the provider, you are the helper. It is not your responsibility to be the provider only to HELP. There is nothing wrong with having concerns about the spending habits of your husband because love is responsible and your husband is not being responsible.
What could be done different is to start arguments and cause strife over it. When God shows us a weakness within our husbands, it does not mean we have to jump at them and just say the first thing that comes to mind, it simply means God will show us the areas we need to cover them in prayer. If his spending habits bothers you, pray about it and ask God to step in and let him see the error and to help him to correct it.
We have to be of one mind, meaning there must be agreement on how we will run our homes and finances included and when there is none, it opens an area for the enemy to enter and use it to cause destruction in our relationship. You will have to address the problem because loading yourself with guilt and looking the other way will not correct what needs to be corrected.
You will have to pray about it and ask the Holy Spirit to show you when would be the right time to speak to your husband about your concerns and ask Him to soften your husband's heart to recieve it in love. You need to make sure that you are doing it with the right motive and the right attitude otherwise the result will just be conflict again. Your husband might not be positive immediately about it but if it was done in love and without condemning him, you will start to see small differences in the way he conduct himself.
We are married to good men. They just happened to make bad choices along the way but then again we all do. So i have learned that went you call them out on the good men they really are in Christ even if they are not there yet and not keep hopping on their bad choices, we create the change we want to see. Our words create the world we live in, positive or negative, that’s why we must choose to speak life always covered in love.
All the best.
Part of that oneness is to be open about these ideas. Take time together to budget money to pay the bills and manage your money together. This could be your open door from Christ to be a testimony of His love in you.