I found out tonight that my husband is having an affair with someone on Twitter. Not sure if its gone physical yet or not. So when he came home I met him at the top of the stairs and gave him a kiss on the cheek. I told him I needed to talk to him about something. I told him that I knew there was someone else, and while it hurt, God has told me to live him unconditionally. I told him that I would be his wife until he decided to end it. He just sat there kind of in shock.
I bet he was surprised I was so calm about it. I told him it hurt every minute of every day to know he felt he had to go outside our marriage. But no matter how bad it hurt, I would remain his wife until God told me to do otherwise. I told him I still loved him and would continue to do the things a wife should do because God has told me not to give up yet.
He looked like he wanted to say something, and when I asked he said he didn't have anything to say. I told him that I know he thinks he is following his heart and only wants to do what he thinks will make him happy. I told him for once, I'm choosing to lead my heart, and that's how I'm able to love him unconditionally. I told him that him wanting to "be happy" causes him not to think about the ramifications of breaking up our family, and how he'll have to tell my stepson that he cheated. And maybe deep down I said that to hurt him. Based on the stricken look he had on his face, I think it worked. I've asked God to forgive me for that.
I talked about it some more later on. I told him I wish he had just told me the truth instead of saying we weren't compatible because I had spent the last week wondering if something was wrong with me. And then the devil tapped on my shoulder.
I told him he didn't have to worry about me going outside our marriage. As much as my flesh wants to hurt him the way he hurt me so he'll know how it feels, I WILL NOT DO IT. So I need y'all to pray for me. I think I'm more angry than hurt. I mean...he's had an emotional affair before. Its always someone from Facebook or one of the other social networks. He's also had issues with porn. I believe the devil is truly after his soul, and I just have to stand by and watch.
I also told him that he has spent so much time trying not to become like his father, that he ended up being like him anyway. (His father has had 3 wives I think. They don't speak anymore, so we haven't seen in father in almost 2 years.) I think not having his dad in his life is having an adverse affect on him. But he refuses to contact him, so I haven't either.
I just know this whole marriage think just got a whole lot harder. I AM ANGRY. Probably way more angry than I'll admit. So please pray for me. My spirit is fighting to love someone unconditionally who has hurt me to my core.
You are not fighting to love him. You do and that is the bottom line. What is happening is that you are fighting your pride... It was stepped on and thrown out the door.
This is part of the molding process. Christ will humble that pride. Without doing that, you could never be a true testimony to others.
Maybe it is pride Sean. All I know is I am angry. And while I do not want to finish these dares right now, I will. I know God is working something out for my good. I will say that right now my anger is keeping me going. Which is strange because ordinarily I would have blown up last night and he would be living somewhere else.
But I know that is not what this journey is about. Plus, if he's made up his mind that he leaving, there's not much I can do about it now. If I can remember that and let go of my anger, I know I'll be much better off.
And another question...If he is not willing to stop seeing this person, what am I supposed to do? I know this is about my relationship with God, but God hasn't said be a doormat either.
Just need some advice.
Just focus on your 40 days. Dont worry about if he will not stop. Remember Christ is working on him as well.
Think of this like an addiction. It is not until you hit rock bottom are you willing to do something about it. Christ allowed you to do things your way without any real involvement, until you hit the bottom and you are now willing to.
Now your dares are in full swing. And Christ will not let you go.
Your husband, is on the path to rock bottom. But Christ needs your testimony and your love to be molded. There is a reason Christ chose you first in this journey. Be proud of that.
So right now during the dare, remember "BE STILL... FOR I AM GOD"