In this, the 34th day of The Love Dare, I'm asked to find a specific way my wife recently demonstrated Christian character and verbally commend her for it today.  I thought about this dare alot as the day went by.  I found myself recounting alot of time, looking for ways in which Kelli sacrificed her own interests and desires in order to help people, or ways in which she had reacted with grace and compassion when someone treated her badly in some way out of their own ignorance or anguish. Once again, God provided the perfect example of Kelli's Chrtistian character as the day unfolded.  We scheduled a meeting with my ex-wife, the mother of my kids, to finalize a plan of action to help my oldest daughter with her serious and troubling emotional and behavioral issues.  She is an at-risk 14-year-old, depressed, mistrusting, manipulative and deceitful.  Lexi clearly paid the biggest price for the diviorce of her mom and me.  She was old enough to have shared in the anger and hurt her mom and I exchanged with each other.  She grew up feeling hurt and abandoned, I suppose, even though all adults concerned have done our best to raise our kids in the aftermath of divorce.  On top of that, we recently told Lexi that I was not her natural father.  I adopted her when she was one year old, when I married her mom.  As she grew older, there were instinctive questions that came to Lexi's mind which had to be answered.  As she was already doing poorly in life, the burden of this new knowledge certainly complicated her problems.  Her mother and I, for the first time since our divorce, have actually been working together in a fairly united fashion for the last year or so as parents.  We have come up with a pretty comprehensive plan of action for Lexi, involving rules of conduct and social boundaries, along with church activities and counseling.  Our meeting to put all this in final form happened last night after dinner. As the day wore on and I contemplated today's dare, it occurred to me what a great stepmother Kelli has been to my kids, especially Lexi.  Kelli has just one child, a daughter with whom she is very close, who is pretty much a model child.  Madi is a great student with a pretty good natural moral compass.  She was young enough when Kelli was divorced from her first husband to have escaped most of the damage older kids endure from that process.  Certainly becoming the stepmom of three more kids, one of whom who presents many parental challenges, was a huge sacrifice for Kelli.  In the five years we've lived together as a blended family, Kelli has been a great third parent to my kids, most of the time with very little thanks from them or me.  Not only has she been taken for granted at times, but she has also had to endure more than her share of anger and disrespect, especially from Lexi.  She's not perfect -- there have certainly been times when Kelli has questioned whether that's all worth it.  But in the end, she has remained a dutiful, concerned and loving stepmom.  Especially now, in the midst of our own serious marital problems, she has remained a crucial part of Lexi's parenting.  Her input into our plan for saving Lexi has been invaluable.  Her commitment to participating in what might be our most difficult time as parents is unwavering.  Her maternal love clearly extends beyond her own daughter and reaches out to this teenage girl who has given her little thanks and much resistance. As we drove to our meeting with Lexi's mom, I expressed to Kelli how grateful I am for her help with Lexi, and how I recognize the sacrifices she has made to be a positive influence in Lexi's life.  Of course, she said I don't need to thank her for that, but I do.  I needed to tell her that, not only because she deserves my thanks and recognition. Over the past year or so, Kelli has dealt with many aspects of her thinking and behavior which have made her feel not so good about herself, and I think it's important that I remind her that she is, despite her human imperfections, a good and loving parent whose guidance and concern are given quite unconditionally.  She is, in my mind, the best stepmother I could ever bring into my kids' lives.  Certainly, all the adults involved in the lives of our kids realize that we've made mistakes, and the fact that our kids have witnessed divorce and have step parents might not have been God's ideal plan for them.  But we've all moved forward and done the best we could with the circumstances at hand.  We've all tried to show our kids love and provide them guidance, Kelli perhaps most of all. Our meeting went pretty well, although we are left with some concerns.  The rest of our evening went well too.  Although we both intended to get to sleep early, we ended up having a pretty long conversation about mistakes we've made in our marriage and what we're going to do differently with God's help.  We're actually getting pretty good at looking at our faults and mistakes together in a constructive way, without being defensive or angry, and looking for positive solutions.  Yes, sleep might have been nice, but the strengthening of our marriage was probably more important last night, and nobody ever died from lack of sleep.  I love my wife; she loves me, and God clearly Loves us both.