Collaborate without boundaries

Day 40 and Done

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Day-40    About 8 years ago on our anniversary I told Karen I was going to saddle the horses and go for a ride with her that morning . I asked if she would dress up in a more formal attire to help celebrate the occasion. When I had the horses ready she came out and looked great! I had jeans and a white shirt with a cowboy scarf and my hat on and we made quite the sight riding down the road on our adventure. After a mile or more I stopped and asked her how she thought our marriage was going and she said she loved everything about it. I then asked her if she would marry me if she had it to do all over again, and she said yes!  I then said well lets go back to the house as the preacher was waiting to renew our vows under the pine trees in the front yard. She didn’t know, but I had arranged for both my girls to call the preacher when we left the house on our ride as he lived only a couple minutes away from us. Both the girls were in dress clothes and waiting with the preacher under the trees when we got back to the house. I put the horses back in the barn and walked my tearful bride up to the trees where we renewed our vows and the girls read a passage from the bible they had chosen. I remember it like it was yesterday.

I don’t know if she was cheating on me then, and I was just the fool for not seeing, or she really loved just me at that time... I guess it really doesn’t matter anymore.  This last weekend she went on an overnight to Green Bay for a work seminar with her coworkers. I stayed home as I had to drive up north and move my youngest daughter back to an apartment in town here as she was in a pretty toxic relationship. It was a 3 hour drive each way so it was a very long day. Sunday I was babysitting my granddaughter all day so my oldest daughter could get some things done and helped my youngest daughter finish hanging things at her new place. It was a very busy weekend!  Karen got home around 4 p.m.  On Sunday and we were all standing in the kitchen when she came in the house. She was very grumpy because she said everyone drank too much and not enough sleep. She never said hi to me or acknowledged I was even standing there. Even my daughter noticed and said something to me about it. 15 minutes later we were all back outside and I was putting my granddaughter in her car seat to take her home when the venom started on me all over again. I don’t know how to buckle the kid’s right in their seat and on and on and she stormed off to the house.  My daughter wanted me to come stay with her but I declined.  When I got back home I showered and went to reading my bible while she visited with all the little people in her phone,  ( Instagram )  I tried to make conversation but it wasn’t working so I tried to find peace in my bible. She went up to bed around 830 or so and never said goodnight or I’m going upstairs like she usually does, just a glare and off she went.

So today I am going to write our wedding vows down on paper and pin it to my side of the bed so it’s the last thing I see at night and to remind me of my vows. We will see if she says anything about it when she sees it.          Where do I go from here…? I don’t know.  I do know it’s been extremely stressful. I have done all the dares and like most people I see on here my marriage hasn’t changed much.  Lord Jesus and I have a brand new relationship though and I wouldn’t change that for nothing on this earth!!!!!        I hold his hand and talk to him like he’s sitting next to me when I’m depressed or crying and he listens and comforts me. I tell him of all the good things I appreciate too and this chance to learn and grow in him from this. My love for Him will never waiver again.

I started out wanting to do everything I could to save my marriage…. But now I feel so beaten up and hurt that I am ready for a break, I feel like giving up , I have never been treated with so much venom in my entire life. I think without Tim and Eddie’s help I probably would have quite a while back. I did finish as I promised myself and Jesus that I would.  I am sorry if I disappointed anyone by not starting another round right away but I am starting to think maybe the Lord is preparing me for the end to this marriage and it’s not supposed to work out no matter how much I want it to. Maybe this is His will and I am fighting it. I am really struggling hereto those who have done several rounds, my hats off to you! You have more patients than I do. I will try and stay active on here and see what happens…

 

 

  • Man, that venom.  It is harsh and tough to take continually.  You think she's dry up and wither away with all the venom she can spew.  But, realize the more venom she spews, the more conviction she allows God to put upon her.  

    And sometimes after a particularly venomous day she may calm down and actually say hi.  Her ignoring you is just her way of justifying to herself she is in the right and to show you she is still cold toward you.

    Do a round two.  The first round you did for you wanting to save the marriage (that's why we all do the first round).  Round two you will soon see that you are doing it for God.

  • Consider the thoughts of quitting, the thoughts of maybe this is what God wants, etc...consider these thoughts of the world and not thoughts of Christ.  it is often us thinking this way because we want the pain to go away, which means they go away.  

    Jesus in His suffering, where He could barely carry the cross showed so much love.  And you are doing the same.  When you are in the deepest pain, that is when your love is most evident.  And she can not deny it, as much as she tries to.

    keep in the dares and round two, and let God deal with her.  Who else would you rather deal with her than God?  Keep the door more fully open for Him to work in her by doing another round.

  • I do not recall anyone ever saying they wish they never did round two.  And I have heard so many people say they got so much more out of round two.

    You have not failed, you completed what the world never would have, 40 dares.  That's something to thank  God for, that He gave you the strength to do so, even after knowing what she may be up to.  

    Keep loving unconditionally and forgiving everything as you want God to do for you.  And if anything ends, let it fall on her.  And you can walk in joy knowing you did not give up on Christ.  

  • I am sure if someone on this site didn't help me, I would have given an ultimatum that would have forced our marriage to end.  Pretty cool way to renew your vows.  Some day she may want to do it all over again.  Love believes the best.

  • That's a beautiful story. What a memory.

    I feel like you in that I'm fighting the inevitable. That doesn't make us wrong though. As hard as it is we are sticking up for what is right. I honestly can't imaging that God's will would ever include a broken marriage. God hates divorce. I've read dozens of real life stories of terrible marriages being reconciled but it takes time. I think sometimes the time and space couples get from a separation or even a divorce is good for them to grow and reflect on everything.

    No matter what happens I believe that with God anything is possible. Even a reconciliation with my own wife. And for anyone who has read my journals they would say I'm absolutely insane for thinking that.

    When you feel down just grab your Bible. It's the one thing that keeps me sane.

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