Collaborate without boundaries

Day 30-31-32

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Day 30- Find an area of division… I have thought about this and the one thing that comes to mind is the venom. I prayed today that I think about my words and answers before I speak, and not to speak with anger or to hurt, or with the intent to do harm. I pray that my words only convey a mutual respect and love for her and I pray she does the same.

Day 31- I am really struggling with this one as it relates to parents. Both of us only have one parent left and we both love them. As it happens sometimes with the elderly they tend to speak of things without thinking and can insult others without realizing it. Sometimes their humor isn’t funny even, but we all have to learn to laugh about it and to not hold a grudge or those feelings will eventually get the best of you. My wife remembers everything and has a hard time of letting go of many things. I am glad I find it easy to forgive people of their wrongs and keep moving forward . I can be like a child who is angry with another child but an hour later I will be sharing my best toy with them , if that makes any sense..We tend to visit her dad twice as often as my mom . I do this so I can spend time with him and my wife. When I see my mom I have been going alone lately as my wife seems to need to do other things when the weekend comes as she was offended when mom said jokingly said something about her little tummy a few months back and she just can’t seem to let it go. I told her I was sorry about that but it’s just old people talk and you can’t get so upset about things like that to the point it bothers you several months later.  I don’t know … what to say I guess..

Day32- This one was nerve wracking as it’s been 7 months since the last time we made love. I prayed all day for God to give me the courage to do this one and use the right words and He did !!  I started out at bed time with giving her a back and neck rub and I received a lot of oohs and ahhhs and a few that feels perfect she said. When I thought the timing was right I asked her if she wanted to make love…. And I received an emphatic  NO ! Then she said is that why you’re rubbing me ? I said no it’s because I love you. So I continued to rub her for another 10 minutes or so, kissed her shoulder and said sweet dreams. I rolled over and played everything through my mind several times and smiled because I completed the dare and God helped me thru it ! I was shot down and feel like Casey at the bat but I did it ! I was awake for another hour or so and couldn’t turn my brain off to sleep but I thanked God for getting me through it.

  • When venom strikes, take it, knowing as soon as she finishes you can go to prayer (or even in the midst of it hitting) and Christ is the anecdote for the venom.  And when you put Him above your wife, not loving her less, way above her, peace will come even after about of venom being spewed.

    Take what she says, but not personally, and do not worry about correcting her or defending yourself, it will just make matters worse.  She will dig in her heels to  drag you down further so you can see why she is right.

  • Rather why she thinks she's right.

    Elderly parents....It gets tough.  We are to honor our parents.  And often when they are old and alone, they need our companionship.  Such as you visiting now and then.But, at times, our spouses use this against us.

    Is your mom at a stage where you can kindly and gently ask her not to say things like that? Sometimes when they are older, I think they lose the sense of knowing when they are off putting.  

  • Maybe it's my negative view i have, but I am surprised she let you give her a massage and she let you know howmuch she enjoyed it.  Dare complete, you attempted the best you could.  and that's what counts.  Now, God is using your attempt to further work in you, and He used your attempt to further His love in you so you could share His love even more so with her and others as well.

  • I pray for God to give me words also. I don't like the venom and therefore I don't want to spew venom. That's all we can do is pray for wisdom because God gives it to those who ask.

    We definitely need to realize that elderly people tend to speak their minds. They've went through all the crap we are still yet to see and they aren't really concerned what others think about them. I admire that in them but I can see how it would upset some people. Maybe say something like that to your wife. I'm sure your mom has no bad intentions. Your wife needs to understand that.

    Kudos for trying day 32. Don't take that rejection wrong. She is probably an emotional wreck right now and that NO will sit with her for a while. She will think about it. It's a moment she won't forget. You tried.

  • Thanks for all the advice Eddie and Tim , you guys are so correct with the insight and advice it’s like you went thru the exact same scene or you were there when it happened, Amazing .. I appreciate the feedback and the caring , Thanks !!

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