Collaborate without boundaries

Day 16-17-18

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Day 16 I spent the day praying for God to take and change her heart . To bring her back to church on Sundays and back to me and to lose her anger at people. I prayed several times during the day for these things and now I await God’s answer and for him to do his work thru her. 

Day 17 finds me demonstrating my love for her by doing things around the house that she wants done. I do not do things much from my wants and needs , mostly hers.I give her backrubs at night and tell her I love her without conditions. I guard her secrets the best I can except when I talk to the pastor weekly.  I know it would humiliate her if friends and family found out about her infidelity even though she would say it was my fault and defend her actions. I still don’t feel she is very remorseful about it . If I had been the one who slept around I would be gone without no chance to try and reconcile the marriage and she probably would still not be speaking to me . I don’t believe you can defend infidelity .

Day 18  I cooked a special dinner on the grill for her .She was late past our normal dinner time  getting home but I was determined to do the dinner for her. I also did the grocery shopping by myself so she could go visit her dad for the day. Normally I always go with on these visits but I offered to do the shopping so she had more time to spend with her dad. Dinner conversation went pretty well I guess while she told me about her day. We watched a movie that night and things were good, not great but good. At night I try to give her a backrub at bed time and tell her I love her , and sweet dreams.  I always tell her I love her at night , before I leave for work or after a phone call with her. It is very hard for me to not hear I love you back like she always used to do when I’d say that. I’m hoping God is working on that for me….

  • When it is hard not to hear the I love you's back, remember all the days of your life God loved you yet, you chose sin instead of responding back to Him in love.  The only reason I know you have done that is because we all have done that.  

  • doing the back rubs and other things is doing more than a dare a day.   But if you have always done these things, well then it may be best to keep doing them.  Just make sure you aren't getting in her space while doing these things.

    Remember when it hurts and the flesh says to give up or not put effort in the dares, you lead your heart and do it anyway, not for her, but for God.

  • I do remember all the times I turned away from God and chose sin instead ,and I am so sorry for that . I understand the part of not getting in her space as I can usually tell when that is happening as she gives me clues or I can read it in her eyes.  Sometimes I just want to do so much more than the dares and it’s hard not to sometimes , but then I remember what you said about doing the dare , no less no more.

    Again thank you for all your advice . You are a very wise man and I think God is working thru you to help me and others.

  • God will bring her back to church in His time. You don't have that power. I have made the mistake over the last few months of preaching to my wife. She recently filed a restraining order on me and actually wrote as one of her complaints that I tell her she is going to go to hell. I've never said such a thing to her so that has to be her conviction telling her that. Pray for God to work on her in His way and His time.

    Unless she specifically tells you how she feels you will never know. Let her tell you in her time as God works on her that she is remorseful. I'm sure she is because how can a person not be remorseful over something they know is wrong? She just needs to process it.

    Not hearing those three words back is very tough to deal with but remember your love doesn't depend on her acceptance. You love her regardless of her response. I don't believe love ever dies. It can't because it never fails. Love is a choice (The Five Love Languages chapter 10) and she is CHOOSING right now not to love. Hopefully something someday, somehow makes her change her mind. Until then you can do what is right and love her and serve her according to your Biblical calling.

  • I repair things for a living and I get almost instant gratification on this ,and I think that is why I'm frustrated I can't fix this quicker as well. I know I've got to slow down and focus. Thanks for all your help Eddie , i really  appreciate it !!!

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