Collaborate without boundaries

Day 1 thru 7

  • Comments 4

After coming home from a afternoon outing I tried to be romantic and kiss and caress her , she says she doesn't feel that way about me anymore ... Devastated and heartbroken I packed a few clothes and left the house . I ended up back at my work and slept at my desk that night. I worked the next few days and snuck back in to work after 10 pm and again slept at my desk while going home in the daytime to shower. ON day 3 she called and asked me to come home. I did, as sleeping at my desk wasn't a long term option , LOL. I was regulated to the couch . That Friday she left for a couple days to sort out her thoughts. When she got home she said she wanted separate bedrooms . I told her to pick upstairs or downstairs but I was staying on the couch. She asked why and I said I believed the beds we slept in were for us as a couple , not to sleep apart in , so i'll take the couch.  I think that made her upset. It was about this time that I watched Fireproof again. So much of the movie clicked with me that I watched it several times over the next week. Not so much as our story was the same ,as ours was caused by her infidelity a year ago but the hurt and anger you feel toward your spouse . The trust is gone and your mind won't let you think of nothing else. You become suspicious of things any time your apart now. I LOVE her to much not to try and work thru this if that's at all possible as she is my world and my everything...I was told I pushed her away to many times and that was her reason for the affairs. I don't believe I pushed her anywhere. I always supported her in her work and at home and tried to be the best husband and father I could be. Were there times we couldn't agree on things like purchases , places to go, things to do , to tired to make love ? Of course , that's part of life .  So now I begin the love dare process and I'm trying everything I can to save my marriage.

  • Rick, It looks like you have about a month full of weekly therapy packed into one paragraph.

    Man. First the Love Dare isn't going to fix your marriage but it will make you a better person and bring you closer to Christ. If done properly your wife and everyone around you will see a big difference. I'll tell you what I think based on my experiences. Please don't think I am being mean but I will state the truth as I see it. That doesn't make it right but that's how I offer help.

    1. Sleeping in your bed shows unity. You never want to show that you are willing to be separated for any reason. Never go to bed mad. (I slept on the couch for months but after advice on here and much prayer and consideration I decided to sleep in the bed. Of course that angered my wife and she now sleeps in our kids rooms when she decides to come home but that shows that it's her choice to divide the marriage, not mine.

    2.  Infidelity is the ONLY reason Jesus gives for divorce but it is not a deal breaker. It can be overcome. Forgiveness is huge here. It will take a lot of time for that trust to be restored. I would highly suggest marriage therapy. Or talk to your pastor. By the way, go to church. Preachers can help and it won't cost you anything.

    3. Love never fails. You will learn unconditional love through The Love Dare. You have faults. Your wife has faults. They will always be there but you have to learn to live with that imperfect person.

    4. Decisions should be made together. Every decision. I suggest sitting down together and working on a budget. Finances are one of the biggest reasons for divorce.

    5. You will never save your marriage. Only God can do that. Learn to live like Jesus and let God handle everything.

    "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;  does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."

    1 Corinthians 13:4-8

  • Thanks for the advice Eddie. I will give it plenty of thought and consideration. I have been seeing a pastor from our church weekly and it helps sometimes. I'm also leaning on a close friend to help me thru this.

  • Glad you posted here.

  • Thanks for the support Tim . It means more than you know. I have no dought that if we were neighbors we would be good friends ! It's just like you said  but I can't put into words because the stress level is too high . It feels like the body is shutting down.  Hard to listen to the venom some days. I've lost 20 lbs in the last 2 months because I have no appetite any more. It is like you said in your story, it's time to choose teams and I'm choosing Christ !

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