Collaborate without boundaries

Through Day 4

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I have finished with Day 4. Day 3 and 4 were completed with my husband back in town from a vacation with two of his friends. Day 1 and 2 I managed on my own while he was away.  They went to Cabo for five days and stayed at a rather interesting resort (one that is adult only and a party scene that encourages co-mingling with guests). I do have to remind myself that his friend set this up back in October when he thought divorce was really happening with us. My husband’s friend is divorced and I think this trip was suppose to be the “welcome to single life” trip. I asked my DH in our therapy session to please abide to our marriage vows and he agreed to without real hesitation. I think I did pretty good this weekend giving it up to God and not letting myself think too much about what “could” be happening in Cabo! And lots of prayers for him as well! 

So Day 1 & 2 were done without DH around but I managed to do some unexpected things around the house that he will notice the next few days. I am not living at the house (hoping to change that) but stayed there the last five days with our dog and son, who is in high school.  I was able to do a “just thinking about you” for day 3 (left something for him with a quick post-it note message) and did Day 4 today, which resulted in a message left for him at the office.  No response yet to anything but I really don’t expect one yet.  As I keep progressing with the Days it will be interesting to see if and when he responds. 

i am finding myself very settled in some ways and that is all God driven! I have a peace about me that wasn’t around even last week in regards to what I have control over and what I don’t. I can’t control his feelings and I can’t control his actions, I can only work on me and continue to pray for God to work on DH.   Not to say this is easy by any shot but it’s more manageable today than it was last week.

i continue to be amazed at the incredible support team I have  that keeps emerging. That is all God’s doing! 

I will not sign papers and if he is determined to get this divorce then I will pull my papers and he can start over.  Just trying to be mindful of our kids and asking God for suppprt and guidance where they are concerned.

time will tell and the next few weeks will especially be telling...

 

  • I am not sure why you wouldn't just pull your papers now.  Wouldn't pulling the papers show him unity vs division?  

    the peace you are feeling is hard for the world to understand.  And that peace is such a gift from God.  Thank God for this gift.  

  • I understand your thoughts completely. Who knows what could have happened in Cabo. I can tell you that dwelling on those thoughts will consume you if you let it. Find something else to do or think about when those thoughts come up.

    I hate that our spouses have these divorced friends. You want to think their friends are telling them how amazing it is to be divorced. Maybe they are, maybe they aren't. Again don't dwell on it. I know, as I posted a few journals ago, that my wife's divorced friend told my mom a month or so ago that she is starting to think something is fishy about my wife's story. If you stick your ground and remain faithful to your beliefs you can never look bad and eventually even his friends will see this.

    You are exactly right about control. You only control yourself. You can never control him. All you can do is set an example with your behavior and actions. They will speak louder than words ever will.

    I'm so happy that you changed your mind. Someone put an article on here a few weeks ago. It said there are three choices in a bad marriage- 1) Get divorced (the most immature choice by far), 2) Stay in a bad marriage (Not as bad but still very immature), and 3) Work to strengthen the marriage (by far the choice with the most positive result.) Divorce just doesn't make any sense. Especially with children involved. I spoke to someone a couple days ago that said they were 24 years old when their parents divorced. It was 25 years ago and they said they are still affected by it today. The consequences are never good. Never.

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