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Faded Memories

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Hello, guys.. I miss the awesome people here.. May you read this post with peace and joy in your hearts. :)

Yesterday was an interesting day for me. One of my professors in law school messaged me and asked about my marriage. Apparently a client of hers who knew my husband told her about what happened and also about Girlie. What amazes me though is the fact that I can openly talk about my marriage now without crying. It still sucks but I guess I am already at the point of "accepting" that it has to happen. I told her that I'm OK and I believe that God has reasons for allowing my marriage to fall apart. It was lengthy message but I was amazed that there was no bitterness there. haha.. I thank God for being patient with me and for taking me to where I am now. 

Because of what happened I realized that the "bad" memories I had with my husband -- the petty fights, the mean words, etc.. They were slowly fading. There are times, while watching a movie or talking to someone about their relationship, a friend will say to me: does it ring a bell? and I will give her a perplexed look. Apparently, a "fight" in that movie or story is somewhat similar to how my husband "badly" treats me before. Which I am now forgetting. I guess it's because we are already apart and the wounds start to heal plus I am spending much more time inside the "appreciation room" (See one of the dares). And it made me feel grateful. It is easier for me to believe him now. 

There is however a downside of this. BECAUSE the bad memories are fading, I AM MISSING HIM MORE. THE LONGING TO HAVE HIM AND BE WITH HIM is stronger than before. I guess this is one of those "it gets worse before it gets better" kind of stuff. I have to hold on tightly as the waves of longing come crashing on me, getting stronger each time. The past weeks I found myself crying to God and begging Him to help me get rid of the feeling -- longing, desire to control, fear, impatience. Despite the prayers I cannot seem to shake it off my system. Yesterday somehow "helped". I know I still need to pray. :) 

How about you, guys? How do you handle such situation? 

  • Huh, you hit a point I never heard on here before.  The it gets worse before getting better thing the way you described it.  Makes sense.  Maybe life ebbs and flows and there are always seasons of worse and better, but with God those worse times are not so bad after all when we stay with Him.  

    It is growth that is shown when you can handle comments, and questions  from people, and reminders on tv shows as well as you do.  TV, though I watch very little, sure brings up d often, never realized that  before.

  • Accept that it can happen but don't get to the point of accepting that it has to happen.  

    As far as your  question, how do I handle the intense longing?  This is something that hits me now and then, that I don't long like I should.  I am still just leading the heart.  I guess that just shows how much growth I need to gain yet.  

    I was wondering yesterday if you were going to post soon.  LOL.  

  • I do know what you mean about faded memories.  Thank God for that.  

  • So glad to hear from you and think of you and pray for you often!  I am glad you are finding peace and some healing.  I know what you mean about the longings...I go to a concert or sit on the lightrail and see a couple and it hurts.  I think it is good to cry and let those emotions wash over you - and then let them go out to sea and let Jesus's love wash in over you - that's what I do.  Read Trey's post from yesterday about the masterpiece...we are still God's work in progress, each stroke lovingly placed.  And God isn't ready to reveal the finished work yet of you until He has finished his masterpiece...wait for!  It will be magnificent!

  • Thanks, Tim and Par. You two inspire me to keep moving forward. Thanks.

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