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Taking "Letting Go" to a Whole New Level

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A lot of things happened since I wrote about my hubs asking for annulment. All the while I thought that I must at all cost contest the annulment proceedings so that I can “stand up” for my marriage. However, as cleared by some of you here, standing up does not really mean having to fight the legal proceedings to preserve the marriage, rather it is staying true to your marriage vows even if your spouse has abandoned his/hers. It is fixing your eyes to the Lord and believing that somewhere down the road your spouse will find his/her way back to you in God’s perfect time. Some said that they even got divorced yet they continue to wear their wedding rings and just spend more time on serving and worshiping the Lord. With this, I gave my hubs offer a thought and even prayed on it.

 

Prior to me leaving the city, I told him that I am giving him what he wants --- the annulment but with one request, that he will wait that I will become a lawyer before he can start any legal proceedings. A week before that though my hubs already said that he will no longer insist on the annulment and he will just wait for me to change my mind. But after praying about it I submitted everything to the Lord and I found the guts to tell my husband that I’m OK with the annulment. When he first asked for the annulment and I said “no” he was mad. He told me that I am selfish and that I am still controlling him. It got me hard. I realized that I have been preaching to him how love makes sacrifices. How you must set aside what you want to make way for your spouse’s “wants”. I realized that love is all about letting go if it means making your spouse happy (even if it hurts you so bad). I was expecting to say all these things to him with tears flowing from my eyes but when we got to that point, I was actually calm and happy. Deep inside I know that that was just God asking me to “let things go” so He can work. I made it clear to my hubs though that the annulment is what he wants and not what I want. I made it clear to him that I am just agreeing to the plan because I love him and I want to see him happy.

 

Weeks after I moved to my hometown, I found a church and a prayer ministry to attend/join to. With all the changes that happened I was happy and excited. Moving to another city and be surrounded by people you love and who love you makes everything better. However, of course the enemy does not want us to prosper hence it tried to pull me down several times.

 

There was one time that I found a photo of a baby posted by a family member of Girlie’s family. I began to have thoughts that my suspicion about her and my hubs having a baby may be true. I was so mad that I sent my husband angry messages again. Well, I was glad that God had my back. I apologized to him afterwards. Because of that the enemy again made me think that Girlie might have been the one who has read my angry texts to my husband because days after she commented on a photo saying her child was really cute. I shrugged the idea off and just prayed on it.

 

Although I have surrendered everything to Him I still grew tired fighting the demons that are putting unclean thoughts in my head. I got to the point where I told God that He can do whatever He deems right with our marriage but I will no longer be praying for it. I got to the point where I told myself that it is time for me to move on for real and this time no turning back. I was so willing to start over without my husband yet I believe God has other plans. As I shared in my other post, when I attended the Grand Pentecost celebration, I felt God speak to me, telling me that I should not give up on praying for my hubs.

 

Now, as I look back since Day 1 here in my hometown, I saw God and his subtle works. I still have communication with my husband but it was plainly about my living arrangement here and financial matters. However, it was my hubs who is putting more effort in reaching out to me. Of course he is not doing any moves that would really make me believe that he wants to get back together but he somewhat calls me over and over (if I fail to answer) and asks me questions about my activities. There are times that I feel he is scolding me if I fail to pick up the phone and I am also tempted to answer him with “Am I obligated to answer your calls? The last time I check you and I are not a couple nor friends.” But I am so grateful the Holy Spirit is quick to act and would always remind me to be kind so I just politely explain to him that I am reviewing and my phone’s in silent mode. I thank God that my hubs somewhat takes interest in what I do regardless of whatever the reason behind it.

 

With everything that has happened, I can really say that leaving indeed made a difference. It made me less crazy, less controlling since I have no other choice but to face the truth that there is nothing I can do about my marriage than pray for it and allow God to work, and I can focus more on the dreams He planted in my heart plus my service to Him. God indeed took my “letting go and leaving everything to Him” to a whole new level and I couldn’t be more grateful for that.

 

 

  • there is a certain freedom when you let go and leave it to God...the enemy works to convince you you need to take control again or nothing will change.  Hard to resist the lies...at least I struggle with it.  Prayer is a powerful thing.  I too stopped praying for the marriage, or rather just told the Holy Spirit that I didn't have the words and if He could intercede on my behalf.  We can always pray for our hubs even when we don't have the words!  Amen to that!

  • In your new found level of comfort, it will be more and more tempting, be it via your flesh or evil, to want to take control and let go of the things you probably vowed to yourself at one point in this journey to never let go of, and that is always being patient and kind.

    Case in point, the desire to tell him off about answering the phone.  

    When in God's comfort, the flesh wants to turn the tables and dish to them all the things they dished to us.  

    Continue to resist that desire.  If need be, read a dare a day for review and a reminder.  I know I should do that.  

  • Princess, I can't tell you how my heart aches that you're now in this season of your waiting.  I promise you, though, there will be good days and at some point the good will begin to outweigh the bad.  Just keep pouring out your heart to the Lord no matter how ugly it may seem some days.  Remember, He already knows our hearts so being completely honest with Him comes a bit easier when we remember that.

    I confess there have been days in my closet I have told the Lord how angry I am that my husband seems to be living his life with no evidence of consequence to his choices.  I’ve cried and raged at God about why He seems so slack in giving my husband what I think he deserves.  It’s a poison in my soul that if I don’t lance it by giving it to the Lord, it would turn internal and destroy me.  I am chosen by God for good works and for far more than laying in my prayer closet allowing anger and bitterness to destroy my relationship with the lover of my soul.  I get the ‘infection’ out by voicing it to my Father who cares for me.  After each temper tantrum, God’s peace covers me like the Bible says He will cover me with His wings.  The anger flows out and I’m left peaceful resting in the arms of the Lord.  That sounds melodramatic I know, but it is how I envision God holding me.  I get up and face my day knowing that this whole situation is under His control and that God is good.  He is really, really good and His plans for me are good.  There are days when I have to say this to myself every minute of every day to keep the bad thoughts away.

    I don’t mean this catty or sarcastically or as a ploy for pity in any way, but I would love if my husband called to inquire how I’m doing.  I see that as a blessing and as a way that God may be showing you your husband still has the ability to care and what God can do with that we cannot even fathom!  It makes me think your husband’s heart has not turned completely to stone.  

    When my husband made me leave our home, he neither inquired where I would go nor expressed any interest in knowing whether I would be ok or not.  He made it clear he wants no contact from me whatsoever and will not even let the kids mention me in his house.  I have often wondered if I got sick, would he even care and I’m afraid the answer would be no.  His heart is cold and dead right now.  I have days I sit and wonder how a man who professed such love for me in the beginning could become this hateful, cold, unfeeling person he has become.  The only answer is sin.  We are all capable of becoming this way if we don’t allow God to tenderize our hearts daily with His love.

    What I am seeking to grow in at this time is in seeing the blessing and not the curse.  What I mean is I am so prone to being negative nelly.  So much of my life was seeing the grass on the other side of the fence.  What the Holy Spirit has been dealing with me of late is seeing the blessings He pours out over me instead of the things I don’t have.  Like, I don’t have a husband to live with right now, but I have a grandbaby on the way!  I don’t have the finances I had with my husband, but God has provided for me to live a comfortable life.  I get lonely some days, but God promises He will never leave me!  It started out so hard, but as I’ve practiced looking for the good, I seem less prone to dwell on the bad.

    Princess, you will get through this!  You belong to God and He loves you with an unfathomable love and He knows your heart.  He feels every heartache moment you feel.  I was thinking of the movie, “The Shack” this morning and there is a scene where the man is walking through a garden and declares it is such a mess, and the Holy Spirit says, “yes, it is, but isn’t it beautiful?”  Then tells the man the garden is his life.  Later there is an aerial shot of the garden and what appears to be a chaotic mess from the man’s viewpoint, from above it is a gorgeous mix of symmetry and design.  Gave me a new understanding of God seeing things the way they are, when I only see them the way they seem.

  • Beautifully written Linda, and so true about not focusing on the negative and what we don't have, but replacing it with thoughts of what we do have...that is the Holy Spirit conquering the Devil right there.

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