Today's dare is about praising my hubs for exhibiting Christian acts.
I decided to make this dare "personal" so I opted to call him. He picked up and we had a short chat. I asked him how he was doing etc. He said he is taking a "nap" hence I went on to praise him for his Christian acts. I thanked him for "forgiving me" for the things I confessed to him on Dare 26. I told him that he may not be close to God right now but it is great that he is still exhibiting Christian ways. I also thanked him for not changing his facebook password, even after I confessed to him that I opened his FB in the past. I thanked him for showing that he trusts me that I will not do it again. I thanked him because even if he is not really aware of that it is actually a husband who shows trust to his wife and that is Godly. I also praised and thank him for loving me. He may have said that there is no point of staying in the marriage because there is no more love, but he actually is confused between "love" and the state of being "in love". So I told him that I know he loves me and I really thank him for that. He said "yeah yeah OK" and then I said "bye" and hung up.
As to how I could encourage him to persevere, I really do not have any idea. Perhaps for now, all I can do is continue to pray for him and remain in Christ so I can be a living example that God can indeed change people.
Epiphany about Husband
Today, while spending a quiet time alone, I happen to realize something.
I realized that my husband actually LOVES me. Yes, perhaps the connection and the passion is gone but he still loves me. Him leaving is just coated by so many factors.
My husband left because he cannot actually bear the "responsibility" of hurting me. He said there is no point in staying and it is better to leave of we may just end up hurting each other even more. He loves me for putting my "welfare" above his own. I have no idea if he is aware of this but I came to understand that he left because he cannot leave his single habits just yet. He cannot stand the idea that he must be home by 12mn and he cannot spend every night drinking in bars because he is already married. He cannot let go just yet of the "fun" he gets by meeting or even sleeping with different women. Since he is married, perhaps his conscience bothers him if he does things like that. Hence, he left. He left so that he can be "free" again. He left because that way he cannot see me everyday and that way he will not be bugged by his conscience. It is a lot easier to "pretend" that you're single if you do not have a spouse to come home to.
We fight a lot because I always point out these habits of his. We fight because I feel disrespected that he does not have the initiative to let me know what time he is coming home because he is out with friends again. We fight because I do get hurt multiple times because he chose to cancel our alone time together to hang out with friends then lie about it and tells me that he is with his boss or in a meeting. In those fights harsh things were said and yes I have hurt him a lot but actually it is just superficial. The truth is he actually cannot stand seeing me cry or get hurt because of his choices and he does not also have the guts to choose me or the marriage over it. That's why he opt to leave.
My hubs did not grow from a well-off family. At the age of 10 he has to "work" to earn money to have some allowance for school. Now that he has a stable job and is earning more than people his age, certainly he wants to enjoy that money with alcohol, friends and women. We started living together when he was 23 years old hence he actually did not have the chance to "enjoy" his youth. This is the path he was taken. I am just glad we do not have kids yet.
I am not happy he left. I am not happy at all. But if there is anything I ought to be thankful for, it is him giving concern about my "feelings" (even when he really did not intend to. I'm pretty sure all he wanted was to get away so he can be free. lol). I know it was a tough decision for him since it requires him to break my heart yet still to him it will be all worth it because he will have the "freedom" he wanted. No more wife, who would be monitoring his whereabouts, no more wife who will worry if he is not yet home at 2AM, no more wife who will remind him about the effects of alcohol in his system and no more wife who would point out the flaws of the relationships he is keeping. I guess without intending it to be, he actually spared me from further pain and prevented me from transforming into a monster because of his behavior. :)
I am just glad for this thought to have crossed my mind, For months I have blamed myself for the downfall of the relationship. There are moments that I wish I could turn the hands of time and might have done the LD earlier, it could have saved us both. I blamed myself for being selfish, full of pride and control freak. But now, I see that although I have my flaws, he too has a share of responsibility over what happened to this marriage. I get hurt when he acts hostile towards me. Now I simply realized that he is mean because he cannot bear the thoughts his conscience is telling him whenever he sees me. not seeing me is actually easy for him since he does not have to deal with the conviction. hahah. So I really do not know if he will really decide to take the path leading back to me. It just seemed like, things are easier for him if we are apart. (To be fair, it is easier for me too. I do not have to put up with his attitude while doing the LD. honestly if he is living with me now, I may not get this far with my walk with God. I may keep sliding back because of him).
Now that I have God and I actually discovered His ways, I am pretty sure that even if hubs will come back, I will never be dragged by him back to the pit of misery. For what it's worth, I may actually be able to pull him out of the pit he is in right now. :)
Marrigae is written on his DNA. he will always feel that.
Those were my wife's word too. She said she could stay but was afraid she'd end up hurting me by cheating on me, so therefore the separation. She also talked about trying to find herself, be alone work on her issues.
I can see she was confused and not sure what she wanted.
@Tim: true. It is all up to God now.
@Snaz: he said that too. Hahahha.. Perhaps they need to figure things by themselves same way we figure out how we found God.