Today was quite hectic at work. I was not in contact with
Hubby a lot during the day, but we had our normal Chit-chat as we do every day.
He messaged me first and thanked me for last night. Wow, this is normally the
other way around. I did however acknowledge his thank you, and said that really
I am the one that needs to thank him; he will never know how much it means to
He said he had slept well and was feeling good, and he was
getting lots done at work. I also got stuck into work again and was looking
forward to the evening.
The evening started off well, but when we were dressing the
kids after bath time, he looked again at the spot where our son bit our
daughter and the argument continued, where we left off on Sunday night. Be both
stated our cases, but my husband was not happy with me. He was very bitter and
resentful, saying (not in so many words) that I give special treatment to our
son, and that our daughter is always guilty in my eyes. Of course I wanted to
defend myself, but I didn’t, I took some time to reflect on what he had said,
and it was obvious that he “saw” me that way. I realize that I am very hard on
her, and in many ways I blame myself for her being special needs. If I had done
things differently with her birth, maybe she would not struggle so. I know she
is capable of so much more and I push her, all the time, maybe too hard. Maybe
this is why it seems like I’m unfair in my treatment of her and maybe it even
comes across as me loving her less than our son. I prayed about it, long and
hard, for God to let me treat the kids equally.
My husband was not on speaking terms with me the rest of the
evening, so I did not even bring up today’s dare. If he thinks I’m a hypocrite
in my love for our daughter and I asked him now to pray with me, what would he
think? I was scared and took control. I did not ask, but we both had our prayer
and devotion times. He did not pull me into him like he does all other
evenings, but I prayed about it and felt he needed his space. During the course
of the night though, he did put his hand on me and he did snuggle up to me in
his sleepy state of mind.
9 But you do not live as
your human nature tells you to; instead, you live as the Spirit tells you
to—if, in fact, God's Spirit lives in you. Whoever does not have the Spirit of
Christ does not belong to him.10 But if Christ lives in you, the
Spirit is life for you because
you have been put right with God, even though your bodies are going to die
because of sin.11 If the Spirit of God,
who raised Jesus from death, lives in you, then he who raised Christ from death
will also give life to your mortal bodies by the presence of his Spirit in you.
12 So then, my friends, we
have an obligation, but it is not to live as our human nature wants us
to.13 For if you live
according to your human nature, you are going to die; but if by the Spirit you put to death your sinful actions, you will
live.14 Those who are led by God's Spirit are God's children.15 For the Spirit that God has given you does not make you slaves and
cause you to be afraid; instead, the Spirit makes you God's children, and by
the Spirit's power we cry out to God,
Father! my Father!16 God's Spirit joins himself to our spirits to declare that we are
God's children.17 Since we are his
children, we will possess the blessings he keeps for his people, and we will
also possess with Christ what God has kept for him; for if we share Christ's
suffering, we will also share his glory.
What a promise. Praise God for giving this to me.
Many times with our children our selfishness is justified in our minds. With others disagreement it can open to us those moments. Commit them to prayer. This journey is about you as a whole with Christ, not just your marriage.
I experience the same dynamics with my children. Where I appear to be harder on one, I also appear to be softer on the other. My husband is the opposite. It is weird dynamics and challenges me everyday. Thus the prayer of meeting them where they are....and asking for clarity on my own behavior and motives. The child I am hard on is a duplicate of me in many ways...so it just tries me, tries me, tries me. Power of a Praying Parent. :)
I can relate Libby. I am harder on my daughter. She is very "strong willed" just like me but i know she can be better than me.... if you know what I mean.
Fear.......never fear......be courageous......its all in the word. Take His hand and He will lead the way.