Today was quite hectic at work. I was not in contact with Hubby a lot during the day, but we had our normal Chit-chat as we do every day. He messaged me first and thanked me for last night. Wow, this is normally the other way around. I did however acknowledge his thank you, and said that really I am the one that needs to thank him; he will never know how much it means to me.
He said he had slept well and was feeling good, and he was getting lots done at work. I also got stuck into work again and was looking forward to the evening.
The evening started off well, but when we were dressing the kids after bath time, he looked again at the spot where our son bit our daughter and the argument continued, where we left off on Sunday night. Be both stated our cases, but my husband was not happy with me. He was very bitter and resentful, saying (not in so many words) that I give special treatment to our son, and that our daughter is always guilty in my eyes. Of course I wanted to defend myself, but I didn’t, I took some time to reflect on what he had said, and it was obvious that he “saw” me that way. I realize that I am very hard on her, and in many ways I blame myself for her being special needs. If I had done things differently with her birth, maybe she would not struggle so. I know she is capable of so much more and I push her, all the time, maybe too hard. Maybe this is why it seems like I’m unfair in my treatment of her and maybe it even comes across as me loving her less than our son. I prayed about it, long and hard, for God to let me treat the kids equally.
My husband was not on speaking terms with me the rest of the evening, so I did not even bring up today’s dare. If he thinks I’m a hypocrite in my love for our daughter and I asked him now to pray with me, what would he think? I was scared and took control. I did not ask, but we both had our prayer and devotion times. He did not pull me into him like he does all other evenings, but I prayed about it and felt he needed his space. During the course of the night though, he did put his hand on me and he did snuggle up to me in his sleepy state of mind.
My scripture:
9 But you do not live as your human nature tells you to; instead, you live as the Spirit tells you to—if, in fact, God's Spirit lives in you. Whoever does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him.10 But if Christ lives in you, the Spirit is life for you because you have been put right with God, even though your bodies are going to die because of sin.11 If the Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from death, lives in you, then he who raised Christ from death will also give life to your mortal bodies by the presence of his Spirit in you.
12 So then, my friends, we have an obligation, but it is not to live as our human nature wants us to.13 For if you live according to your human nature, you are going to die; but if by the Spirit you put to death your sinful actions, you will live.14 Those who are led by God's Spirit are God's children.15 For the Spirit that God has given you does not make you slaves and cause you to be afraid; instead, the Spirit makes you God's children, and by the Spirit's power we cry out to God, Father! my Father!16 God's Spirit joins himself to our spirits to declare that we are God's children.17 Since we are his children, we will possess the blessings he keeps for his people, and we will also possess with Christ what God has kept for him; for if we share Christ's suffering, we will also share his glory.
What a promise. Praise God for giving this to me.
Many times with our children our selfishness is justified in our minds. With others disagreement it can open to us those moments. Commit them to prayer. This journey is about you as a whole with Christ, not just your marriage.
I experience the same dynamics with my children. Where I appear to be harder on one, I also appear to be softer on the other. My husband is the opposite. It is weird dynamics and challenges me everyday. Thus the prayer of meeting them where they are....and asking for clarity on my own behavior and motives. The child I am hard on is a duplicate of me in many ways...so it just tries me, tries me, tries me. Power of a Praying Parent. :)
I can relate Libby. I am harder on my daughter. She is very "strong willed" just like me but i know she can be better than me.... if you know what I mean.
Fear.......never fear......be courageous......its all in the word. Take His hand and He will lead the way.