I have reflected on my areas of wrongdoing. I have many. But the ones that has to do with my husband most, is trust and the fact that I have thought of cheating on him, when I just found out he cheated on me. I have never confessed this to him.
The day was going well, we kept in touch and planned to go out for a movie again tonight, if my mom would listen for the kids. We normally have our evening at home, just like any other, and once the kids are in bed, we take the monitor to my mom and just ask her to attend to them if one of them should get up for any reason.
I phoned my mom, and asked her if she would and she was ok with it, so we went ahead and planned our evening. I did some reading again from the other sites and wanted to forward it to my husband, but he had never replied yesterday to say if he was ok with me sending it, so I Skype’d him and asked him just so by the way, he never said if he was ok with me sending the e-mails to protect our marriage against affairs. He said he meant to talk to me about it, but it was ok, that I could send, because the more he knows the better he will understand.
I took my change to complete the dare and I said to him that it was not just for him, but for me too, since had some pretty nasty thoughts about 3 months ago.
I thought this would make him ask what it was, but he just replied “we will sort it out together love!”
I thanked him for being willing and told him that I love him forever, he replied that he loves me with all of him.
We had a good evening, he often asked if I was doing ok, and I told him that I have just been fighting a lot of demons today. (which I have) Thinking back on the thoughts I had and how often I still don’t trust him and want to check up on him, stirred a lot of emotions within me, Things I thought I had under control, but obviously I don’t. Makes me come to the conclusion again, that I am not in control, but Christ is, and as such I have to trust in Him, wherever this journey might lead. Even if it is painful.
We got home quite late and the kids were still sleeping, so was my mom. I did not wake her, but took the monitor to our room. Hubby was sleeping, but I still made time for prayer and devotion.
When you have those moments of weakness take it straight to Christ.... If you don't you will seek out comforts that are of the flesh, control etc....