Lust – I have thought for a while, that is what I have for my husband, but Sean had made it clear that what I want with my husband is not forbidden. It is not lust. My husband and I are one, so it is ok for me to want him.

I’m trying to find lust in my life today. I am by no means perfect, but I cannot think of anything along these lines. I do not secretly desire anyone but my husband, but I have to admit, before I started this journey, I have thought about a few men that would be willing to “help” me get back at my husband for cheating. But I would never take those thoughts and put it into action. I was hurt and I wanted him to hurt. I feel ashamed for even having those thoughts and have asked Christ’s forgiveness on it.

This journey however has helped me to handle things a little more graceful. Instead of trying to think how to hurt back or get even… take it to prayer! Take it to Christ. Temptation may not always come in the form of lust for me. I have been tempted so many times during this journey (checking his phone / mails / Skype). Thank God, that even though I still fall sometimes I have not checked in a while, and believe me the opportunities were there.  I just take it to prayer.

So I need a little help on recognising lust. I’m sure you have thought of a couple of things or heard of a couple of things that might be considered as lust. Share please! Maybe I have this desire for forbidden pleasure that I don’t even know I have, because it is so hidden in that back room!

The “get even” part was brought up again last night in my prayer and devotion time. Also the fact that I’m as my husband puts it – not a people’s person.

Matthew 5

Eye for Eye

³⁸ “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ ³⁹ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.⁴⁰ And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. ⁴¹ If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. ⁴² Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

This is a lesson for me again, to forgive and forgive again, to give and give some more. I am a very hard person with other people (people not in my direct circle of friends/loved ones). My way of protecting myself, but this makes me unapproachable. God needs me to be open for other people other than my loved ones.  It is time for me to let other people in so that He can work in their lives too, using me as a tool, while he is still moulding me.

I feel change today in me. I feel light, like a feather. Peace settling in my bones. I pray that God will make my heart soften and help me to understand when and how I can help. I have guarded myself for so long, I’m not always sure what the correct way to handle people is. How would God want me to treat them.