I love my husband very much and I do not let anything get in
my way. However I have noticed that I allow sex or lack thereof to make me
distant. So in a way it is stealing my affections and turning my heart away
from my husband, because I’m disappointed when we are not intimate enough….
According to my standards at least!
I love being intimate with my husband. We were made to fit
together but I cannot obsess about it all the time. I have to let it run its
course and embrace the moments when we are intimate. See it for what it is.
Experience love when it is intense like that and not make it something into an
everyday happening, just because I want it! Lust! Desire! Things of the flesh! Intimacy
is a thing of beauty not an addiction. I must release this expectation.
I have been having a lot of ups and downs lately, not truly
understanding my journey. (I wish my book would come!)Sometimes I get it so
clear, other times it is hidden to me. My scripture was so fitting. Yet again!
37 When he
came near the place where the road goes down the Mount of Olives, the whole crowd of disciples began joyfully
to praise God in loud voices for all the miracles they had seen:
38 “Blessed is the king who comes in the name of the Lord!”
“Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!”
39 Some of
the Pharisees in the crowd said to Jesus, “Teacher, rebuke your disciples!”
40 “I tell
you,” he replied, “if they
keep quiet, the stones will cry out.”
41 As he approached Jerusalem and saw the
city, he wept over it 42 and
said, “If you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you
peace—but now it is hidden from your eyes. 43 The days
will come upon you when your enemies will build an embankment against you and
encircle you and hem you in on every side. 44 They will dash you to the ground, you and the children
within your walls. They will not leave one stone on another, because
you did not recognize the time of God’s coming to you.”
My name might as well have been in the place of Jerusalem.
Jesus wept over me because I do not always know what would bring me peace – it
is hidden from my eyes. Because I did not recognize the time of God’s coming to
I know the time is NOW and only Christ can give me peace. Let
me rejoice and joyfully praise in a loud voice: Blessed is the King who comes
in the Name of the Lord. Peace in heaven and glory in the Highest!
Christ is so
patient with me. Every day, He takes the time to show me, I must just open my
eyes and my heart to him. Surrender!
Again.... That is not lust. Lust is the desire for things forbidden. And I may have asked this. But have you initiated intimacy? Or only waiting for him to do it
And one of the problems you are having is that you have a void within you that you are trying to have the world fill. It will never be enough. This is why you need to seek Christ to fill those voids.
I get it now - Lust. I know what I want with my husband is not forbidden, but sometimes it feels wrong to want it so much. I have initiated. He was not up for it. Surprisingly I did not feel rejected (like it is all my fault and he doesn't want to be intimate with ME), I just felt disappointed that I wanted intimacy, but He did not at that point in time. But you are so right, I think I want it so bad because of this void I'm trying to fill. I have to make time to go to church, have that fellowship. I need Christ to fill me, so that I do not feel like I lack in anything. Yet again - I know this, but easier said than done.