This morning, I got up early with the kids, did washing and cleaned a bit before hubby got up. He slept quite late as he always does on a Sunday. Distance again today. I’m tired. I tried being in his company, but felt no connection. The kids wanted to nap, but said we must all go lie on my bed. The kids and I went to my room and I was out cold very soon. Hubby left us to sleep. I woke up 2 hrs later, kids also still sleeping, way past the time we should be up since tomorrow is school and kids need to be in bed early, but we slept too late for any hope of them being tired enough to go to sleep on their normal time. I didn’t judge or argue or even mention it.
Hubby was outside starting a fire for a braai. I woke the kids and stared with some foods we could have with the meat and as soon as that was in the oven, I went outside and sat with hubby. We sat together, but we did not speak much. I tried striking up a general conversation, but it dies down quickly. I didn’t make another effort and the rest of the day was quiet and uneventful. We spoke when there was something to say, but we did not have a meaningful conversation since Friday evening. I left it. Hubby feels weekends are to relax, catch up on movies and I know sometimes (most of the time) I talk too much, so I just left it.
At bedtime I was still tired, but I had my prayer and devotion time. I love Proverbs, but my scripture was
13 “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.
14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.
I realise He has added so much growth already, His scriptures each day has a new message. It feeds my soul, gives me hope. Thank you God for reminding me to stand strong on this journey, so that You may be glorified. Show me that even in times when I am tired, that I can still let your light shine through me before others. Give me renewed strength in You and let me never lose my “saltiness”.
Seek to have Christ always fill your voids, your lonliness, your comfort.
I need Him always. Sometimes I feel so empowered - recharged, but then I look back on my day and see how many times I did not trust Him in charge and I feel like I failed Him. Like I have to start this journey all over again - Daily! But when I looked back at the dares, I realize that even though I feel like I fail (and I do), I can still see growth. Spiritual growth. And then your prayer - He will not love me less. I look forward to the day that I can honestly say, today I did not take it in my own hands once. And then I will take it one day at a time and continue to trust in Him. Even though I feel down now because I feel weak, friends have started to notice a difference in me. They like what the see, I have spoken to them about Christ and this wonderful journey I am on, and they too have taken up their Bible's again. So even in my weakness Christ has reached other people. I take refuge in that. And now I can take refuge in Him too, because I know He forgives me and he will not love me any less. What can I say.... Up or down....I'm a work in progress too!
We all are works in progress....