Wow, I have not looked back on my dares since I stared. I
was so immature and selfish when I began the dare. I can still see that I am
sometimes. I am getting better at
letting Christ lead me though. Wise words again – instead of fighting all the
time, surrender to Christ!
I asked God show me where I stand with Him. I love my
husband, and even though some days I can feel he is off with me, I do not
always feel so rejected anymore. I don’t understand it, but I’m also not trying
so hard to find out why. I think it is up to him to tell me if I’m doing
something that he does not like. We talk more and more, every day we make time
to talk. It has made us closer in a sense.
Intimacy varies, some days it is great, other days not so great, but I
hang on to God, on the days I feel distance /emptiness. I am so blessed though
that my husband is receiving the dares better than expected and responding
positively. Today hubby Skype’d me to ask if we can ask my mom to watch the
kids after we put them to bed. He wanted to take me to the movies. I said it
would be great to go, but we can see how my mother was with us and then decide
if we want to ask her. My mother was ok with us, and said as long as the kids
are sleeping, she will listen for them. We put the kids to bed, left for the
movies, bought our tickets for the late show and sat at a local restaurant and
had coffee while we chatted for 2 hours before the show started. It was great!
I tend to neglect my journey with Christ on days it really
goes well with Hubby, but there are always off days, that remind me that I
should be closer with Christ, if I want to be complete. If I want to fill the
void and not have emptiness, I should remain focussed on this! Why is it so
easy to wander off when things go well? These are moments in which I should
give thanks and praise to God. Hang on to this, remember this!
15 When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon
Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”
“Yes, Lord,” he said,
“you know that I love you.”
said, “Feed my lambs.”
16 Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you
He answered, “Yes,
Lord, you know that I love you.”
said, “Take care of my sheep.”
17 The third time he said to him, “Simon son of
John, do you love me?”
Peter was hurt
because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said,
“Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”
said, “Feed my sheep. 18 Very truly I tell
you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but
when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress
you and lead you where you do not want to go.” 19 Jesus
said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify
God. Then he said to him, “Follow
I took this scripture, really looked at it, did not quite
understand what God wanted me to see in this, what he needed me to understand.
But when I think back on the dares, I understand that I was doing things by
myself (dressed myself and went where I wanted to) but now, that I am walking
this road with Christ, He must dress me (in his armour) and lead me, sometimes
to places within myself I do not want to go. He is telling me in no uncertain
terms “Follow me”. So I will
continue to follow Him, allow him to lead me, even if I do not understand why I
need to “go there” and to trust Him!
Comfort of the flesh.... That is your fight. When things are well, just like most of us... Thanks God, see ya when I need ya again. But then, one day we are brought to our knees. It is then we understand....
I do not know about your past. But remember, this journey with Christ is one where you are molded. When things are good, fill your mind body and soul with praise as much as you do with prayer when things are not so good.....
I see this more clear every day! In fact I just wrote about it on day 22. I know the problem, now I just need to do something about it. Thank you as always for your honesty and advice.