This morning, even after getting such a powerful message last night, my heart was troubled. I know something is “up” with my husband, but I do not know what it is. I also don’t want to be reading into things so I decided to talk with him again.
Skype:
Hey love. Thanks for helping me get an early start to work. I really appreciate it. Also, you were a bit off with me yesterday. I don't know what it was and I don't want to make assumptions, but from having no hot water in the morning, to me kicking your guitar over, whatever it was, I’m sorry. Just know that none of it was intentional. i also got the feeling that you got the series from Natasha, but you said Brendan. If you got it from her - I'M OK WITH THAT. If it really is from Brendan I’m sorry that I doubted you. I just want you to know, that I’m ok with Natasha in general. What happened happened, and I’m not going to beat myself up about it anymore, however, if you can't treat her like everyone else you are just friends with, then maybe you should decide if being "friends" with her is ok.
That said, I hope you have a better day today than you did yesterday. Hope your back is feeling better. If not, I’m up for giving it a good rub tonight. I love you and even though I am busy, you are in my thoughts constantly. I miss you already. How did you sleep by the way?
He replied:
Hi love - no worries my love, I was a bit "annoyed" re the guitar but that was my fault as well for leaving it in the door way, and the hot water is no issue. i did get the VD from Natasha but I'm sure i did not say Brendan, I am just still a bit weary talking about her with you but if you are sure you ok with it, cool stuff. I slept like a rock. Thanks Prorata! And my back is fine tx love. Hope you have a gr8 day to. :*
I said:
I am fine with her. As long as you are over her, and as long as you guys are just friends, I do not see why we should be wary about her. You were um-ing and a-ing when I asked where you got it, so I thought it might be from her, but later when I asked again you said the “stokkie” was Brendan's. You should honestly be as comfortable talking about her as you are about Brendan, because he is just a friend too, right? I just feel that if you are not honest/weary, that you maybe still have feelings there, that you are trying to hide, so then it kind of breaks down my healing a bit. But anyway, no worries, because the only thing that gets me over the anxiousness, is prayer, and you can never pray enough! ;) Right!
After that he did not reply again. I Skype’d him again during lunch time just to ask how his day was, he said he was having a hard time arranging a delivery for a customer. I said, good luck I’ll pray for a door to open on that, and I’ll leave him to it. He just said thanks. I did pray about it and just before he left for home I Skype’d again, asking if he came right with the delivery, and how lucky he was it was almost home time for him. He did not reply and went offline 15 minutes before he was supposed to leave work.
Like I said, I’m done with the assumptions. I hope he is just really busy at work, but his is so unlike him. I do pray for him every day.
1. That his relationship with Christ will reach new levels, that he will see what Christ has done for us already and that he would desire a better relationship with Christ. That he would want more!
2. That he will be honest with me. That whatever he is going through right now, that is making him be so weird with me, that he can feel safe to talk to me about it.
3. That he can just be friends with female persons working with him. He is a bit of a charmer. 42 years old, but still looking like he could be 30. He loves the attention he gets about it, and any girl can wrap him around her little finger by stroking his ego a bit.
I know that 2 & 3 are selfish reasons, reasons for me, but I also know that I my no 1 prayer for him can be answered, 2 & 3 will naturally fall into place.
I also pray for myself, to not be so easily tempted, to realize this journey is between me and Christ and that I can stop taking control back from Him. He knows best and yet again, He will lift me in due time.
I want to challenge you with something. Pray on whether God wants you to constantly contact your husband throughout the day like you have been. Is you skypeing taking control or do you feel Christ is leading you to do it? Just like you said in your last sentence - this journey is between you and Christ, so you need to stop taking control back from Him. Get out of His way and let Him do His work in you and your husband separately. Whenever you have assumptions/thoughts/doubts take it to Him in prayer. You know He will give you the renewed strength, peace, and comfort you need every day! Trust in Him! He's got this. ;)
Be more concerned that he takes it to Christ...not you. Pray on this. Pray on this. Pray on this.
Thanks gals, I will pray on it.
Jenn, I have always been like this with hubby, we are in constant contact, I have never thought that it could be different. I do however get where you are coming from, I will pray on it. Maybe it is a bit too much and that I should just do my morning hallo's and are we safe at work and leave the rest to God. If I feel like contacting hubby, just because I miss him or quickly want to share / ask something, I will pray on it first, before I act. This really is something I have not done before!
Libby, I also never thought of hubby taking it to Christ. I have been doing my prayer and devotion time at night in bed, while hubby is there. He has so far not taken up his bible to do the same. I'm praying for this to happen, and I’m tempted to ask him if he wants to join in, but I don't. His eyes are always closed, like he is so tired or that he is not interested. I'm praying for him to re-connect with God, and yes, so that he can take all his cares to Christ, just as I take my cares and troubles to Him too.
Just goes to show how much we can still learn. I have wanted hubby to share things with me all the time, where I could just let him lay it at Christ’s feet. What better place for it to be than there!