Collaborate without boundaries

Letting go vs. letting love show?

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In this place of trust and faith I am filled more during the day with peace and faith than with doubts...but they do creep in briefly before the Spirit takes control and removes them from me.  I have given him so much space and don't really let what my hubs does affect me.  We go days without a call or text when one of us is on the road.  This week I am home alone, the girls are at camp, and a couple weeks ago when I wasn't in such a good place, I told him I didn't want to be at home with him all week as we were both going to be home, and that he should go to be with her as that is the future he chooses.  I know it was wrong and won't do that again, so this week is on me and I accept that.  (Praying for division between them during this time though and I know God has covered my error of pushing him to go there.)  I don't think he really wanted to, but he did.  It also bothers me that in about 7 weeks it will 2 years of their affair.  I know - a lot can happen in that time, and it is God's timing not mine.

When he gets back Saturday evening, he is home that night and then leaves Sunday afternoon.  I won't see him until July 18th - maybe, for one day then not again until Aug.8.  What I am praying about is the fact that just because I give him space doesn't mean that we shouldn't talk sometimes - and I want to tell him this.  I want it to be on his heart though to call me or even just text, but it isn't - or if it is then pride is getting in his way and preventing it.  I don't want to get in the way of God working, as He clearly demonstrated to me a few weeks back to get out of the way and let Him work.

I am so happy that I am not tormented this trip of them together, and that God truly has been my comfort - a new place for me!  Maybe wanting to talk to him about talking and/or texting a little more - it is just me wanting to take control as I wonder if all this space is making it routine for him to not have the need to talk to me anymore.  I guess that this is what letting go and giving it to God looks like so that He can change things.  Blurry line of trying to insert some control vs. letting him know I care and love him like what the Dares call us to do.  Wondering if I just answered my own question...lol!

  • I love God's way of communicating sometimes...Tomorrow by Unspoken came on right after my post - a great song to listen to or just look at the lyrics..."Jesus you are in control of my tomorrow".  And for that matter, my hubs tomorrow and the OW tomorrow.  He loves them just as much as He loves me and He has a plan and is working in their lives even as non-believers, just as much as He works in mine - for His glory!

  • The good that God has brought me through this week though by myself is that I have also really started to let go and stop thinking that it is my hubs that brings me happiness, I can't depend on him for that...but instead it is God that I am finding happiness in.  Maybe He is using this time to show me that He is all I really need and I am starting to finally get that!

  • Hi Par!

    Thank you for sharing today...

    I've been kinda emotional all week. But, today my devotional asked me if I was feeling lonely and it reminded me of Hebrews 13:5, "Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." It's really awesome that He reminds me that He is always with me no matter what I am going through. I'll keep you in my prayers and please keep me in yours. We need to encourage one another, because we aren't alone in our walk with the Lord, we are together. Be blessed.

  • The year marks of certain things seem to make an impression on us.  I know I usually post at the yearly marks when she told me she wanted a d/separation.  But let go of that date that's coming up in 7 weeks.  It's just another day.  Isn't there a verse, a second is like a thousand years and a thousand years is like a second for God?  The time frames we humans put on things is irrelevant.  So, in a few months from now you can remind me of this when I post about the 5 year mark.  LOL  

  • He is your husband.  It is natural to desire to talk to him.  But when we do reach out, it is often with us wanting to take some control.  Be careful here.  As you are doing.

    When unsure, remember the messages you have been given from Him in the past, and when still not sure, it is often best to Be still and know He is God.  

    Your husband knows you care and love him.  don't worry about finding ways to show him.  Such as thinking and thinking of an excuse to call him or talk to him.  

  • Maybe a safe way to contact him without taking control is by doing another round of dares.  That will give you contact, but keep you from taking control.

    Above all, continue to pray and seek  His wisdom in this.  

  • Thank you for guidance Tim - I have pondered doing another round but don't feel led to it yet.  If I do try to talk about it I will keep the spirit of the dares in mind, yet also be mindful of what God has instructed me about getting out of the way.  I will pray for His will on this.

  • Oh Par, I get your struggle.  My husband's birthday is coming up.  While I was out of town I actually purchased a gift for him.  It sits on the floor behind a side table in the living room.  I have gone round and round with myself about whether to send it or not.  For days my Love Dare devotional book went on and on about showing love and letting your spouse know you love them, but it's geared more toward those still living in same house together.  One even said to love even when it is not returned.  I've been praying and praying about that stupid gift too!  lol  I came to a place where I decided to hold on to the gift and just send a birthday card, then I got angry with myself and told myself to get a grip and leave it alone!  I've opted to send a brief gif on his birthday saying Happy Birthday.  Finally some peace!  lol No gift. No card.  Just a brief gif in a text.  It is hard to not want to DO something, isn't it?  

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