Collaborate without boundaries

Love Fights Fair

  • Comments 3

The past few days with my spouse have been uneventful. I guess that is a good thing after a few days of him trying to pick a fight with me. I wished him a Merry Christmas this morning. I also told him that I love him and hope he has a good day. I didn't receive a response, but I wasn't expecting one.

Today's dare was to come up with rules to "fight" by. Since this is round 2, I reviewed the rules I came up with last time.

1. Listen before speaking.

2. Acknowledge his thoughts and feelings before discussing my own.

3. Breathe before speaking (but don't sigh!).

4. Do not raise voice or use a rude/upset tone.

5. Take a break if things get overwhelming, maybe ask if we can pray together first.

6. HAPPILY give him as much time as he needs to cool off.

When I wrote these rules, I was assuming that our fights would be in person, but now they seem to be over text messages. I feel like I am using rule 1 and 3 a lot lately. (Although instead of breathing before speaking, I'm thinking before texting.) The big difference with texting is that I don't feel it is the best way to communicate, so I would rather avoid a fight if it has to be through text. Or at least not engage in a fight. Lately, if DH seems to be in a fighting mood, I answer his questions, but I don't continue the conversation much past that. I recognize that he is looking for a reason to fight, so I do my best not to give him one.

  • I think that's a good strategy of responding to his questions and then quit engaging him.  This leaves him with God while he may be wanting to pick at you.  How uncomfortable that must be, being with God and feeling like you want to pick a fight.  

    As you do number 4, he may react in such a way as to get mad because you are talking monotone, and sounding like a robot, with no emotion.  At least that's what mine says when I try to keep my voice calm and not show any anger or frustration.  But our spouses use anything to get at us.  Just respond in patience and kindness.  It's tough for them to fight against that.

  • The uneventfulness, it is a good thing.  

  • Those are good rules. I've notices I break mine sometimes and all I can do is apologize, ask forgiveness, learn from it and try better from that point on. As we go through these love dares our ability to avoid a fight increases significantly. I've noticed that the habits formed from this journey are amazingly positive. My wife tried and tried to fight with me a couple nights ago and after 10 minutes or so I have her completely calm because I answered her softly instead of with a harsh tongue. Read your rules often to remind yourself and become that person. You are what you think you are.

    "A soft answer turns away wrath,

    But a harsh word stirs up anger."

    Proverbs 15:1

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