Collaborate without boundaries

Love is not Jealous

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I accomplished the first part of this dare - burning the negative list. Both times I've done this it is very freeing. I was unable to accomplish the second part of the dare - sharing with your spouse about a success they recently enjoyed. Due to our lack of communication, I don't know of any recent successes, and after praying about it God did not reveal one to me either. 

On a strange side note, my husband initiated a conversation with me for the first time in months. He has been spending more money than we have been making for about 2 months now. I've tried to discuss it with him, but he informed me that it would be fine, as he wasn't planning on spending ridiculous amounts. Since he wasn't willing to talk about our finances, I decided to start paying all of the bills for the pay period on pay day. I also took out $200 to cover my gas, groceries, and personal spending. For this particular paycheck, I also took out a little bit more, to cover the cost of having a document preparer help me with my response to divorce. There were a few free resources, but they are closed until after the holidays, and my paperwork will be due before that. 

Anyway, this is the first time I've spent any extra money since he left the house. He asked me if I had made the purchases, since it was an ATM withdrawal. I told him that I did. Then he asked what my plans are for the house. (We own it together, but I am currently living here alone since he left.) He told me someone reported that he was staying at the apartment he's at, so now he is going to have to pay rent and he wanted to get a move on selling the house. I told him that I was still working on my paperwork, so I would let him know my answer when I had finished.

He told me that he was going to start looking for a realtor and get it listed, since he is our main and only source of income and can't handle it. And he will still have to pay for any repairs that need to be done at the house. I didn't respond at this point, since I had already told him I would let him know later. However, because he filed for divorce, we can't sell the house unless we both agree in writing, otherwise we can be held in contempt of court. I can't afford to move into an apartment yet, since I am self-employed. I don't have proof of income, so I would probably have to pay first and last months rent. Additionally, he is not our main and only source of income. It has taken time for my business to grow, but last month I actually made my goal amount. Which means we had enough to pay all of our bills, each have some spending money, and still have about $300 left over. Rather than correct him, I chose to take some time to think everything over before I respond. 

At this point, the extra expenses he has are not my concern, he chose to leave. If he can't afford it, then he may need to find a more affordable option. I know that he is living with a woman, from back when I was snooping. I've been praying that God would remove him from that situation, and I'm excited that it seems to be heading in that direction. I even contemplated reporting him to the apartment complex, I got as far as calling, but decided not to. I knew that God's timing would be perfect, while mine would not. Anyway, even though my husband is angry, I feel that this was a small victory.

  • yes, he made the choice to leave, let the extra financial burden fall upon him and let him deal with the choice he made.  Maybe it is God's way of having him move out of that  apartment with her.  

    It's great you trust in God's  timing.  but I am thinking it would be okay to call and let the complex know he is living there rent free.  It's a legal way to protect your  marriage.  If  calling is an option in the future, pray about if you should or not.

    That takes courage to run your own business.  Especially in the beginning sales can fluctuate so much.  

  • Next month if you withdraw money to have in hand for the monthly bills let him know what you are going to do and why, this way you are showing unity and it gives him less of a chance to let his flesh think that you are trying to take advantage of him financially.

    I think it  is  a small victory too, anything that hinders the wrongful activities of your spouse is a step in the right direction.  Thank God.  

  • I want you to know that I am so sorry for your situation. I nearly come to tears when I read the posts on here. I think it is so sad what we are all going through when it is unnecessary. If we would all follow God none of this would be happening. I prayed for us all last night at 9PM eastern time.

    Your husband will pay for what he is doing. None of us can hide our sins from God. Just pray for him that he realizes this before anything disastrous happens. His greed with money, his adultery with the OW, his pride with putting his happiness above yours- It will all catch up to him. That's when you need to be strong and prepared for his fall.

    "If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn't do it, it is sin for them."

    James 4:17

  • Thanks for the advice Tim. I did pray about calling the complex, it kept going to voicemail, so I took that as God's way of telling me that I wasn't supposed to report him. I believe that God's timing is better now, because he can't afford to pay rent. The woman he is staying with is a single mom, so I imagine she will only support him for so long.

    I'll pray about talking to him the next time I take out money. In the past he had made it clear that he did not want to discuss finances, so I was choosing to respect his wishes. Now that he has opened that door back up, it may be appropriate for me to let him know my plans.

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