Collaborate without boundaries

Love is Kind

  • Comments 8

Well, today has been absolutely terrible. I received the divorce papers today. I am really starting to lose hope. DH wants absolutely nothing to do with me. He hasn't even spoken to me on the phone or in person since before he asked for a divorce. I really feel like I need to hear him say it to me, I need to hear how he's really feeling, and I'm worried that I may never get that opportunity.

I've been through the dares once already, and while I do believe that God revealed a lot of things to me, I still haven't seen anything in my behavior that is leading us down this path. The biggest issue I've noticed is that DH doesn't share his true thoughts and feelings with me. There are many times throughout our marriage that I thought we were on the same page because he agreed with me, when he really was sacrificing his own wants and desires for mine over and over again. The worst part is I had no idea until after he left, and now I don't have a chance to show him that I care about making him happy too. 

Unfortunately, DH is also dealing with some depression. Although dealing with it may not be the best description as he has not sought help, to my knowledge. I am worried that his depression is causing him to make some life-changing decisions that he will regret later. At this point, I have to start making plans for the possibility of a divorce actually happening, even though it is the last thing I want. 

As far as the dare, I was unable to do a random gesture of kindness for him. I do know where he is living now, and his phone number from the divorce paperwork, but he has made it clear that he doesn't want me to contact him. At this point, I will respect his needs unless I clearly hear something different from God. I actually believe that God took away communication because I was doing the Love Dare for myself, and I still wasn't choosing God first. Now that there is a way to communicate, I feel that I need to seek God first before starting communication again. 

I did still try to do a few acts of kindness for others today. Traffic was horrible on my way home from work, but I let cars merge or turn out of parking lots every time I had an opportunity to do so. I was just ready to be home so I could sit and cry, but I chose to do something nice for others. 

  • Don't lose hope. Hang on to Jesus....He is your Hope...and the source of your strength...at a time like this I encourage you to spend time in the Word and prayer. Do you see a Christian counselor? If that's possible they can be a wonderful, supportive resource for you right now. Yes, I would pray about communication. God will lead you. He loves you and knows the desires of your heart. It is wonderful you chose kindness for others....what a wonderful world you made today....we need more people like you in our world....

  • When you want to go home and just melt away and grieve over getting papers, and then spend time in prayer and reading.  And to have  your own space away from people.  and yet, delay the need for  what feels like self preservation so others can get home a minute earlier is a great sacrifice pleasing to God.  And it would be so easy to say, I need to get home sooner that these people.  and it would be true, but self sacrifice shows love of Christ in others.

  • I had in the past always assumed when there was a d, that  both spouses were wanting it.  I never thought of just one spouse wanting it while the other  stood.  and after being on this site a while, it shocks me that one spouse would ask for a d and the other  had no idea it was coming.  

    It is so sad how so many people ere ingrained in the world's ways, influenced by evil and their flesh.  and choose to abandon a covenant on what seems like a whim.  

    Fear not.  Be not afraid.  in prayer and supplication, giving all thanks to God, know your prayers are heard, will be answered in the best manner and timing as only God can.  and His salvation and divine providence is being offered to you.

  • At the end of Jesus' life, it looked like the worse happened with no good outcome available, even for God.  He is tormented, physically and verbally assaulted, whipped to near death, nailed down with spikes through his limbs, and dies   and yet, the best happens, we are all forgiven through His blood, salvation is possible, He rises in great glory, He is seated at God's right hand, and His mercy flows like a fountain for us.  

  • who could have equated a horrific way to die with such great gifts the world would ever know?

    God can turn all hardship and grief and pain and suffering and misery the world says you are in to great hope and  peace and joy and comfort.

    Feel the hurt if you want, but let it go and find peace in God.

    you may never know what  your husband was or is thinking, but, you know what God is thinking.  That He loves and  cares for you like no human dad could ever do.  

  • What your husband says or is doing right now does not mean it is the final word.  God can flush away your husband's choices like a  raindrop falling in the ocean, never to  be found again.  He does  have free will, and God will not take that away.  but God will not  take away the perfect plans He has for you no matter the outcome of this trial.

    Let this moment of  suffering bring about new growth and endurance in Christ.  keep in this  journey and in the long run, you surely will not be disappointed.

  • I got my d papers two days ago. I know that sinking feeling. It only lasted a little while though. I got into my Bible, read some comforting things and then texted my wife and told her I love her no matter what for the first time in months. God commands you to love your spouse (well love everyone) unconditionally. Even if they don't love you back. This could be the most difficult thing in the world to do but can you imagine when you do and show that you do how much Jesus is smiling? Jesus is proud of you and that's all that matters.

    Like Tim said in one of my earlier journals- Our spouse isn't going to turn to God when they think everything is going great. When they hit the bottom- and they will- they will turn to God and you need to be prepared for that. You need God's wisdom to help your husband at that point. You are being prepared for that moment. Sadly that moment could be years from now- in God's time.

    If you can't do a Dare for him to immediately see do something he may see later. make a plaque to hang on the wall so if he ever comes back for some reason he will see. Spend time doing the dare because it's for you- not for him. Get yourself closer to Christ. Form a habit of giving of yourself like you did with the traffic. God will reward you if you remain faithful to Him.

    "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."

    James 1:5

  • Thanks for all of the encouragement. Today is going to be a better day. I took my time to grieve yesterday, and now I can move forward. I filed a petition for conciliation counseling. There will be one mandatory court-ordered counseling session to see if the counselor believes that we can reconcile our marriage. From there, it is possible that the court can require more counseling before moving forward with the divorce. I will be praying that the counselor we receive will be given discernment by God and will be able to see my desire for my marriage. In the meantime, I will have to respond to the divorce papers.

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