Collaborate without boundaries


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I failed so badly last night. I just hope that I get another chance. I went to church. It was fine. The sermon was good. But as you saw in my last two journal posts I struggled so badly with anxiety and fear and shame. I had been praying and standing on scripture all day. But I ended up showing up at Isaacs house last night anyway. Like old me. I texted him "please don't turn me away" instead of respecting his boundaries and asking if I could come over. I was selfish and wanted him to comfort me and hold me and pray with me. It helped my anxiety so much but once the fear and shame was gone I knew I messed up. I need to keep going to God instead. He told me I showed him all the ways I hadn't changed. That these were the reasons why he left me. And that the person I was becoming doing the love dare each day was the one that he was falling back in love with. I just hope he can see with each new day I have changed. That the old me is less and less and the new me is the one I walk in each day. Only with Christ's help and the renewing of the mind. I immediately got on my knees and prayed for forgiveness and that I would walk in the new things of God. And after Isaac wanted to cuddle. So I am not sure what will happen. I know I need to just go back to doing the dares one day at a time.

Today I realized that I struggle greatly with lust. I have always been jealous of what other people have. A good relationship, confidence, success, experiences. I need to stop focusing on what I don't have and start focusing on what I do. It's time to enter into a period of contentment and continual thanksgiving....

  • Don't beat yourself up for we all have sinned and come short of his glory. Forgive yourself for this mess up and keep it moving. Often, God will allow us to mess up just to show us what we still have left to clean up.

    Assure your husband that this was a moment of weakness and that you're still a work in progress. We're not perfect but we're striving to reach perfection.


  • Let what happened go.  And as you said, do a dare a day, no more than that.  Now you see how you need to be very consistent in doing the dares.  The more consistent you are, the more he will trust the new you.  

    Going above a dare a day is often us wanting to take control from God.  

    We all have done things like this.  Just get back to living what you are learning in the dares.  And thank God that you saw where you came up short.  

  • As Tessy and Tim stated, let go of past mistakes.  I am guilty of beating myself up over and over for past mistakes.  It's fruitless to keep doing so.  When we've repented and God has forgiven, He chooses to forget the sin we have been forgiven for.  There is such wonderful freedom in that!  The hardest thing for me was to come to the realization that God simply loves me.  When you want to rethink old mistakes, remind yourself God has forgiven you because He loves you and He has wiped the slate clean.  Also, recognize who is bringing those mistakes to mind and take the power from him by calling on Jesus to renew your mind and give you the mind of Christ!  Rest in His love.

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