Collaborate without boundaries

Day 5

  • Comments 5

I'm on Day 5.  Any advice on what is the best way to ask for the 3 things that irritate my spouse.  I have been working on myself for a while now and have shown improvement just not in her eyes.  My counselor said she has blinders on and probably won't see any improvements until she takes off those blinders.  I worry that if I ask her for 3 things she will tell me she has already told me and get upset.  Any advice or suggestions on how best to ask for these from your wife?

  • welcome.  REalize this will be a journey between you and Christ, not you and your wife.  She will be used as a tool to mold you.  Do a dare a day, no more no less.  Do not manipulate the dares to make them easier, such as this dare.  Do the dares without expectations of her.  Do not read ahead in the book other than the appendix, especially about leading the heart.  

    The dares you worry about doing the most are the dares that have the most potential for growth.  Because these are the dares you need to trust God the most when doing them.  And when you trust Him and do the dares as they are intended to be done, that is when you leave the door more open to God to work in you and her.

  • When you see her ask her the question.  Do not call, email, text her the question.  She may get mad, ignore you, give you a few things that irritate her, or tell you she needs to think about it.  The point isn't as much as what she says as it is learning to trust God and let Him mold you to love like Christ loves.  Do the dare for Christ vs not doing the dare because of fear of her reaction.  

  • I had to run to the store this morning to get some bread and I bought her a coffee.  I assume that's ok to do.  I know this is a weird question but that was the day 3 dare.  I assume as you proceed through the dares it's ok to do special actions like that still or should I just focus on the dare for the day and nothing more and nothing less?

  • If you normally buy coffee then do it. Just don't do anything out of the ordinary. Any thing you do like that will be looked at as an attempt to buy her affection and since it is nice it will be seen as a fake change.

    For the day 5 dare tell her it's something that came up in counseling and you are working on your own behavior and would like some outside feedback on some things that you could change to better yourself.

  • Thanks for the advice.  I tried that and she said she was not playing any games.  I said ok and moved on with the night.  I think that's a positive sign for me as usually I would stay and fight until I got what I wanted.  Like what everyone says it gets worse before it gets better so on to day 6.

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