Collaborate without boundaries

Day 20 - Grinch of Christmas

  • Comments 5

I have renewed my commitment to Christ.  It seems only appropriate that today's dare falls on Christmas. 

I woke up this morning and asked my wife if she needed help getting Christmas dinner finished.  She said no.  I decided to clean up the living room and made myself available for anything she needed.  My plan was to open gifts as a "family" and then drive a few hours to my parents house with my 2 youngest children (by blood) and come back a couple days later.  They two oldest (stepkids- one in high school, the other in college) would stay with my wife.  We gathered the children together to attempt to open gifts together.  It didnt follow our usual family tradition of praying one by one and getting gifts for each other, before opening your own.  My wife did a quick prayer and it was a free-for-all.  The college son decided to stay in his room.  He walked by and my wife asked to come open his gifts and he yelled "im not doing this. this isn't my family" and stormed off.  I understood his emotions, but he could have been less dramatic.  I didnt say anything to him. My wife scolded him a little and took all the gifts that he had to his room so that they could open them without me and my other child around.  He didnt accept the money/card I gave him.  I was mad with him on his attitude, but again, i didnt say anything to him.  I continued to treat him with love.  I got gifts for everyone else and they all accepted them.  Actually, i was the ONLY person that didnt get anything.  I didnt even get a thank you from the HS son. A little disappointing, but i was actually kinda expecting it.  Again, love without expecting anything in return.

I decided not to go out of town for various reasons.  When dinner was ready, i was not asked to come eat with everyone.  Instead, I saw everyone eating and just grabbed and made my own plate.  Disappointing, but expected.  I think my wife is overly sensitive when it comes to the children.  She has/will put them first over me, herself, and our marriage.  I know her oldest son's demeanor had an effect on her and the high school son.  He is just resistant to anything that doesnt look like his dad+mom+siblings.  He's young, emotional, and still needs some maturing.  I hope my wife will recognize that and not make drastic decision based on their reaction/emotions to things.  I'm not saying she should ignore their feelings, but realize when they grow up, move out, etc that all there is left is me and her.

Anyway, i didnt let it get me down too much.  I started reading that book again that I shared titled "How to Save Your Marriage Alone".  It encouraged me all over again.  Hoping to finish out the night on a spiritual and emotional high note.

Merry Christmas Everyone!!!

  • This is always worse on the children than it is us. We need to do everything we can to be there for the children. I'm sorry that your situation is so difficult. It seems complicated. Just protect the children. Until there is unity between you and your wife it will be hard on them. If you are being shut out then you must show more love. Love is the answer to everything.

    That article is really amazing. I read it a lot too.

    "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward."

    Psalm 127:3

  • Keep having no expectations, such as being let known it is time to dish up, being thanked for being superman and saving the day when you just no no other husband, yet alone an ignored at best husband would have done anything remotely close to what you dd/do for her, even in the best of marriages.

  • Man, if it's not tough enough dealing with this trial at times, a kid like that can make it feel you have no hope or chance in a trial like this.  It feels this kid is the needle that will break the camels back and if it was me, I would want to scream, do you want to be responsible for a d, because you are causing more division.  So, great job showing love the best you could.  

    God has the final word on the marriage, not the behavior of this kid.  he needs to see your testimony too.  

    Be strong and courageous in the Lord, for who can win against you when you have God on your side?  

  • Maybe visit your parents next weekend.  This may give your wife more space and leave her more in the grip of Christ's conviction.   but be in unity if it is okay with her.  

  • I'm not sure I have any advice about the stepchildren.  My stepchildren have more or less sided with me about their dad divorcing me.  They love their dad and spend time with him, but they always carve out time to see and visit with me and I'm invited to the grandchildren's birthdays and school programs.  I'm not sure my husband really likes this as he has called me a horrible name to his son, but the son went to my daughter and told her and they all sort of joked that what my husband called me was really who he has shown himself to be.  (He called me a snake in the grass.)  I have encouraged my daughter to forgive her stepdad and to continue a relationship with him, mostly because I refuse to allow my daughter to be angry and run the risk of bitterness destroying her life.  My pride wants them all to blast my husband and defend me at all costs, but my heart knows that is not good for them.  They all know I love and forgive my husband and that I am fighting to make sure they are not made a part of what happened between he and I.  I suppose the best advice I can give you is keep the kids out of the divorce to the best of your ability.  Don't make them messengers between you and your wife.  Don't make them your 'friend' to talk about your wife to.  and make sure they all know  you love them no matter what.  From your post, it seems you already have this down pat.   I will be praying for your whole family as I pray for your marriage!

Page 1 of 1 (5 items)