Collaborate without boundaries

Day 7 - Good Day?

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Today i went to a family funeral with my wife.  It was an 8hr round trip with just the two of us.  I got so much to say, but i'll skip to the details.  It was a real emotional day obviously, but what also added to the emotion was that this is first time in months that my family had seen us since knowing of our marital problems.  It was a little awkward, but once the funeral began we all focused on celebrating our passed family member's life and comforting each other.  There were several extended family members and friends that were unaware of our situation.  They come up to us and tell us what a beautiful couple we make.  Kids, nephews, and nieces running up to my wife giving her hugs.  Like nothing has changed.  It felt great, but also hurt because i was thinking how much others would hurt and be shocked if this was the last time they saw her.  At the funeral, i cried for my loved one.  My wife comforted me by patting me and the back and handing me tissues.  She even shed tears.  My family truly loves her and she knew the family member that passed.  I was hoping even through this sad occasion that God made an impression on her heart through my family.  I didnt really have time to write down the positive and negative things on paper, but i knew one of her good qualities was the love of her family.  I thanked her for coming to the funeral with me (her choice) and told her that is one of the great things I love about her - her love for her family (technically my family, but you know what I mean).  She replied with "no problem".  On the drive back we didnt talk much more until the final hour.  I did some small talk.  I initiated talk about the funeral, work, the kids, Christmas gifts, etc.  Nothing too deep or invasive.  It felt nice to just talk.  We havent done that in several weeks. I noticed she was on the phone a lot between conversations.  She would turn the phone just enough so that i couldnt see which I'm sure she was texting her "friend".  I got glimpses from the corner of my eye though.  When she wasnt texting, i could see the phone clearly while she surfed the web, on Facebook, etc. It bothered me that she would continue talking to him on the same day we buried a family member.  I wanted to snoop her phone again, but God wouldnt let me tonight.  "Trust God, trust God, trust God".  Thats what i keep hearing.  In translation, snooping is not trusting God.  Arrg.... ok.  This is gonna be a challenge.  Anyway, i will focus on the positive and the hope I received today.  Overall, today was a good day even during a sad occasion.  I'll start creating those sheets before I go to bed.

 

Update 10:52pm - The negative was so much easier to create.  I started off with about 3 positive things before needing to really think and quickly wrote down about 10 negative things.  After doing more thinking, I almost evened out the list with still a few more negative than positive.  Wow... makes me think how negatively i view my wife.

  • The negative was easy for me too.  The more I wrote the angrier I got.  I also only had 3 positives and had to add more during the day.  I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I am praying now.

  • Don't worry about which list was easier or longer.

    And love believes the best, she was really just playing a game or texting her girlfriend on the phone.  They really know how to use the phone to get to us.  Let that go.  Even if she was texting him, God can use that to convict her.  And to convict him.  

    God could have used the quietness of the car ride as a way for  her to see you in a new light.  

  • Don't worry about which list was easier or longer.

    And love believes the best, she was really just playing a game or texting her girlfriend on the phone.  They really know how to use the phone to get to us.  Let that go.  Even if she was texting him, God can use that to convict her.  And to convict him.  

    God could have used the quietness of the car ride as a way for  her to see you in a new light.  

  • I am sure in some way God is using your family greeting her as a way to work in her also.  Be at peace, trusting in God's plans for  your life and  also His  timing.  

  • It was a good day. You spent it with your wife.

    My positive list outnumbered my negative list about 5 to 1. I bet if you took a little more time yours could too. You married this woman for many reasons and she's not perfect... but neither are you.

    Don't snoop. Period. What can you do with the information you find? Dwell on it? Complain about it? It's not worth it. You can't control her actions or behavior but you CAN influence it with your own. If you keep up with the dares and treat her like the Bible tells you to then hopefully someday she will confide in you. But you can't purposely put yourself in a position to build anger and resentment.

    Her willingness to be alone with you for that long is great. Use time like that for small talk and LISTEN to her. Your situation is better than most. I am going to a wedding this coming weekend and my wife and I are driving separately. She doesn't even want me to go but it's family so what can I do?

    Your wife is talking to another guy- Like Caleb said in the movie Fireproof- he's the other guy, you're the husband. You've already got a head start. Be positive.

    "With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”

    Ephesians 4:2-3

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