Collaborate without boundaries

Day 4 - FAIL

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Today i woke up this asked my wife as she was doing dishes if she needed help with anything.  She said no.  These last few days i've gotten the feeling that she has been messing around.  I snooped on her phone and found evidence!  I'm soooooooooo heartbroken.  They text back and forth and laugh at my "desperation", call me a fool, etc.  I have yet another person that is fighting against me.  One that is charming her, appeasing to her flesh - being a husband.  I dont need this right now!!!  God please get him out of the picture!!!!  I dont want to do this anymore.  Guys please pray for me.  I feel hopeless again.  Does someone have a testimony of how God turned the impossible to possible or everyone still holding on to hope?

  • There are several or many that have gone through what you have and reconciled.  but most that begin reconciling quickly leave the site,being that they feel they no longer need the site.  

    i did just what you did and also woke up one morning at 330 am, drove to his house and saw her and him walking out of the house and him walk her to her car.. And after 5 or 6 years of this, today is maybe the first day she has asked me a question that was totally unnecessary.  She asked me about the weather. LOL  I have no expectations, but the thought does hit out of the blue, a huge step was taken in the right direction.

  • And most people that come to this site also walk away because the gave into the flesh.  And called it quits.  And these are the people that walk away unhappy.  For all of us that stay on this journey no matter what our spouses do with their free find Christ's peace.  And that comfort is above all understanding. you can find, through prayer and bible, that comfort right in the middle of this extreme hurt.  Place God way above your wife, not loving her less, and peace does come.

  • Lynn.  Look at her journal. It is the most recent one that I can think of that has been having a marriage begin to turn around.  Lynn1975 i think.  

    But does it matter if we all quit, we all failed to have our marriages reconciled?  you can continue no matter what any of us do or what happens to us.

  • yoiu have probably read on here not to snoop,that if God wants you to know something, you will know.  Learn your lesson on snooping, don't, period.  

    Love believes the best.....That nothing physical is happening, she just is having fun talking with a new friend.  Now, this is still wrong. But in her mind, it is okay.  

    80% of what we worry about is nothing, 15 % we make it out to be much worse than it is, and the 5% we  choose to forgive and love unconditionally. So, chalk up what you found out in the 15% category.

  • Many of us have been in your exact place, or much worse.  One person's wife was in a full blown affair, with an ex-convict, getting ready to leave the country,abandoning her husband and kids.  Yet, they reconcilled.   One person on this site had their spouse have a baby with the other person and still chose to accept the spouse and baby.  Another person's spouse had two babies with the other person, and still accepted the spouse and babies.  Can you imagine seeing your wife become pregnant twice and still accept her?  Who does that?   Someone that is following Christ.  If these people can do it, so can you.  

  • ON my favorites list there is also another person I think that reconcilled.  

    What you need to do is find a favorite bible verse and cling to it's hope.  God lifts the sparrows in the winter when there is no food, and how much more does he love you than a bird?

    Trust in his divine providence for you.  Do not worry about tomorrow, it does nothing for you.  in prayer and petition, His peace will find you.  Read psalms.  Seek :God with everything, seek His peace and comfort.

  • Pray for her and him.  And God can use the silly things they were saying about you for your good, since you love Him.  

    Be at peace.

  • As I was reading the post, the scripture came to me. Proverbs 3:5,6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And he will make your paths straight.

    I encourage you to stay on here for support. Imagine all of us standing alongside you with our arms locked. We stand with you. We are in a battle yet we who serve the Lord Jesus Christ serve a God who fights our battles for us. Don't give up your HOPE. Jesus is your HOPE.

  • Thank you Tim and Peggy.  Obviously, i'm hurt, angry, and dejected. I really appreciate your encouragement, wisdom, and faith. I decided to watch the Fireproof movie again.  I felt Kurt's pain and frustration and it made me sad and even had to ask for forgiveness when he said it was difficult to love someone that doesn't show you love in return.  Your words and that movie have helped make it through the day.  I wont quit today.  I'm keep pressing through.  I want that testimony of how God reconciled my marriage and to bring him glory.  Please pray for me.  Pray that those men leave her life and pray for my holy marriage to be restored. Thanks again!!!

  • I was just reading my Bible and as I was reading these verses you came to my mind so I feel led to share with you. Psalm 84:5 Blessed is the man whose strength is in You. v. 11 For the Lord God is a sun and shield; The Lord will give grace and glory; No good thing will He withhold From those who walk uprightly. v 12 O Lord of host, Blessed is the man who trust in You!

  • Seven months ago I suspected my wife of cheating. Our phone records indicated it so I confronted her and snatched her phone out of her hand. I didn't have time to find what I was looking for but I did see that she texted someone about how terrible of a husband I was. She left that night and said she wanted a divorce. I've been waiting on the divorce papers ever since then, but I ended up getting saved and my life has changed so much that I know it is becoming difficult for her to carry through.

    I have come to realize in the last seven months that even if I snoop and find something on her it will do me no good. I can not control her behavior or actions. I can only control myself. I can only show her that I am not the person she thought was so terrible. I am better than that  and better than that man she may want to be with. I can love her no matter what she does. So is doesn't matter what she does. I will forgive her in the end anyway. She is hurting and reacting to that hurt right now. I HAVE to hope that someday God will do to her what he has done to me.

    There are hundreds of success stories out there from people who went through the exact same things we all are going through here. My therapist said he has helped many people reconcile who were in a much worse place than my wife and I are. There is always hope. God is love and love never fails.

  • @Eddie - THank you.  I've been questioning if calling the guy and telling him to leave my wife alone would help (kinda like in the Fireproof movie).  Part of me thinks it will make her think I was "manly", but the other part thinks it will push her away and make her chase after him more.  I think i will leave it alone and love her through it unconditionally and pray this person(s) away.  She doesn't really know that I know.  I'm hoping that God will forcefully move this person out the picture.  You're right i can't change her or her actions, i can only change me.  I'm hoping it will say more that i knew it and loved her through it and was also able to forgive.  Unfortunately, now I have to prevent my mind from constantly wondering where she is or what she is doing when she is not home.  Or if she is texting, talking, sexting this person while she is in the house.  Sigh...  Lesson learned.

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