Collaborate without boundaries

Day 29 - New Year, Different Dare

  • Comments 3

How cliche would it be to tell your SO that you love them right at the stroke of midnight? Well, that's exactly what I did. Being that he was at his parents and I was at mine, I was not able to do it in person and calling was out of the question at the moment as fireworks lit up the sky and exploded around the house. I sent him a text: "I wish I could spend New Year's with yall tonight. Give Natalia a hug and kiss for me. I love you." I probably could have worded it better or put more thought into it. I had been struggling with how to tell him "I love you" all day. I was praying and praying. I finally decided on telling him at midnight but did not think to write down what I wanted to say. To me, it seemed rushed but I did the dare, I have to keep moving forward. I did not get a response. I wasn't expecting one and was hoping that I wouldn't to be honest. In the past when he would respond it would always be a hurtful comment. I know he read it because he texted me later on in the day about the rent and transferring funds over. I wish I could say it's getting easier but it's not. I'm don't feel stronger or any closer to God. If anything, I feel more like I did at the start of everything. I don't like feeling like this, weak and lost. I'm praying but maybe my prayers are too broad. I feel selfish praying for myself for strength and guidance. There's something holding me back but I'm unsure as to what. 

  • Place God way above him, not loving him less, and peace should come.  Trust God in all circumstances, that He is there.  And then know that no one or nothing can outdo God.  

  • Saying "I love you" is enough. That's a simple message. I struggle with it also. When? How often? How? I say it whenever I feel it's appropriate. I didn't on New Years but I wish I had. My wife worked a midnight shift so I know she was awake. I went to bed with our five year old around 11:00 and our 17 year old woke me up at midnight and asked if I was going to watch the ball drop. I told him I wasn't too interested. I should have texted or called her but I didn't even think about it. I texted her last night and told her that I love her and I know at this point she understands that and also understands that my love is unconditional because I have also made that clear to her. Now it's up to her to accept or reject that. I am doing my part as Christ commands. Love your God and love your neighbor. Fully accepting that does bring a resounding peace even though there is that rejection from your spouse.

    It is not getting easier as far as dealing with someone who you see as rejecting you and God. It is very difficult and we are warned by Jesus and His apostles that the path of Christianity is not easy. Moving on would be a quick easy fix that would bring short term happiness. My therapist just told me last week that he's seen it hundreds of times where people divorce and are happy for a bit but they come back later and are in worse shape than before. Statistics prove this also. WE can see this and are aware of this so WE must be prepared. WE can make an effort to minimize the damage caused by our spouses.

    I feel weak and lost at times also. Make sure you have a large support network. I have my therapist, our marriage therapist (which she no longer goes to), our preacher, my mother, my brother-in-law and this website. Whenever I feel like I am heading in the wrong direction I contact one of them to get back on track.

    You must pray for yourself. For strength, for guidance and for WISDOM. There's nothing wrong with that. You are God's child. He love you but he has to let you develop. Your choice to put Him first in this hard time is a testimony to His greatness.

    "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."

    James 1:5

  • Eddie - thank you so much for your uplifting comments, I feel it is exactly what I needed. Every time he tells me he wants to move on and not work on having a relationship again with me, I keep telling him I'll love him no matter what, and that I'll continue to love him. I keep reminding myself "love believes the best." Anytime he messages me now, I make sure to take a couple of minutes before I answer and remind myself to respond out of love and not anger or spite. My support network consists of my SO's parents, my best friend, and this website. I wish I had more to fall back on but I had to cut out a lot of negative influences and it has left me with just that. I started going back to church so I'm sure I can find a group there and get in touch with the pastor or a group leader that I can add to my support network.

Page 1 of 1 (3 items)