Collaborate without boundaries

Day 28 - Surrendering

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I had a couple of what I thought were good ideas for this dare but I felt I faced an obstacle with each one. I had originally wanted to take my SO's car to clean it inside and out since he never has the time to do it himself but the weather halted that idea. My second idea was meal prepping for him for the week. He used to always meal prep for himself and me when we lived together. He has been working out a lot recently and I know he still tries to make an effort to meal prep. I thought taking the initiative and doing it for him, setting him up for the week, would take care of a need of his. As soon as I started chopping away at veggies and pulled out the chicken to cook, I looked down and realized the chicken was rotten. I had to throw all of it out, I was so furious. Another idea I had was to organize all of our daughter's clothes for him in his room at his parents since she stays there half the time and with me the other half. He's not the greatest when it comes to organizing and I knew that was another problem he could definitely have some help with. Unfortunately, my parents and I had gotten into an almost 2 hour long fight. They wanted to discuss details pertaining to my daughter's childcare, if I was going back to school, my job, my future, my SO's part in our daughter's life, if he was going to continue to be responsible for certain bills and rent, etc etc etc. I had to keep telling them that certain details are discussed between him and I and that we didn't need to disclose every detail with them. I let my anger get the best of me and it became a yelling match. The entire time I felt my parents did not trust the way I was raising my daughter, they did not see my 2 year degree as an accomplishment, and that my job is not enough. There were many obstacles I had to face in order to obtain my 2 year degree. Even if it cannot get me, what they consider, a reputable job, I am still proud of what I had to do in order to finish my degree. I have told them over and over that my daughter and my walk with God right now come first. I cannot continue to make decisions blindly based on what I feel is practical at the time. I don't even know if making the decision to move to a higher paying job, one that is in a field of work I do not enjoy, is even the right move at this point. They see things very black and white. Put yourself out there first, pray later. It's too much to think about with everything that has been going on, it was very overwhelming. I have thought of all of those things but they want immediate action and results. I am not financially stable to drop one job, grab another, have all my bills taken care of, childcare and expenses, and know that I'll be on my feet as soon as training and the first check for the new job comes through. I've had to pull out many loans and I'm behind enough as it is. I don't think they realize that, even when I do tell them over and over. Then they question my character and if I'm making the right decisions for my daughter. I lost it. I saw red and I attacked with everything I could. I had had enough. They ask for me to trust them, but they cannot trust me. They ask for me to respect them, but how if they don't respect me? I was so frustrated. I cried nonstop. It was already getting late and I still had to drop my daughter off with my SO for the night. I was frustrated at my parents and frustrated that I still didn't complete the dare. I dropped her off and my SO's parents saw the shape I was in. I suppose I looked that bad that they did nothing but shower me with prayer and love. It was very uplifting and I felt like God was speaking to me through them. They reassured me that God has a plan and to continue seeking Him. He already knows my story and how it will end. That I was perfect in His eyes and already forgiven, just to surrender everything to Him. After the talk with them, I attempted one last time to fulfill the dare. I still had my SO's laptop and since he had gifted me one for Christmas I could finally give him his back. I transferred all of my files, deleted everything of mine, then thought I should leave him a little something. I left a playlist open on Spotify on the desktop with some songs that reminded me of him and a couple of Christian songs that I felt were very uplifting and help me through a difficult time. I also left a "sticky" note on the desktop. It read, "Matthew, These songs are able to say the things that I am not able to. I love you, now and always. Mariah" I drove by to deliver the laptop, saw that our daughter was asleep on him, and left. It was such an awfully long, and exhausting day. I'm praying that I can give it all up to God, I know now that I cannot do this on my own strength. 

  • Now on this dare, you made several attempts, even if the attempts could not be finalized, you gave it your best shot.  That is when growth happens.  

    in the trial with your parents, remember what the dares teach.  Keep patient and be kind to them. I know it can get tough at times, but do your best with them as well.

  • That's a lot to deal with in one day. After all that I hope you talked to God in private about it like you are doing with us here.

    I'm certain your parents have good intentions. As long as they are speaking to you about God that is good. Many people on here and everywhere, including myself, are getting too much advice from the world. Wrong advice. Ask your parents to pray for you and with you.

    You spent a lot of time thinking about what to do for your SO and that means a lot. To God. Your led your heart the way you need to. Bravo.

    Pray and ask for patience and wisdom.

    Great job on your degree and your devotion to repair your relationship. Stay the course and your reward in heaven will also be great.

    "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness."

    Proverbs 15:1-2

  • tim - I'm honestly not feeling like I've grown spiritually, but I'm trying to stay on path. Especially when it comes to my parents as they know me best and also know what buttons to push. If I can practice it at home with them, I'm sure I can do it in all aspects of my life

    Eddie - I sure do converse with Him as much as I'm able. I'll pray out loud to Him in the car and worship or after everyone is asleep. I feel talking and praying out loud helps me focus more on Him and my thoughts. I know my parents care, they have nothing but the best intentions, it's just the way they communicate those intentions. I'm hoping I can apply everything that I've been learning.

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